The Journey's the Thing...

Moving house...

2009-02-01T21:31:00.002-05:00

Hello all...TeeJayDoubleTee is migrating....

This blog is now closed. I will retain the address, etc...

Meet the New Blog, same as the Old Blog (but better)!

Johnnyboy

See you there!

Johnnyboy

New addresses to link to...

2009-01-27T14:59:00.002-05:00

So it is all coming together. My Wordpress blog is up, and is a mirror of this one. I'll be keeping this page for a while, but will eventually abandon ship when the new one officially launches. I am still looking for a better background color for the look and some items also need to be tweaked and re-arranged. You can find it here

I am also working on getting the photography gallery up and running. For the time being I am fooling around with a decent site for the month and will decide on something in a week or so. I like the look so far and it even has a gallery in it. It is a series of abstract work that I have done. You can find that place by going here

Please comment on the state of my affairs. Send m your suggestions on colors, fonts, etc...I have wanted to use Helvetica, but I don't think I can. Trebuchet MS will have to do for now.

Johnnyboy

Goodbye to PayPal...Good riddance.

2009-01-25T11:49:00.003-05:00

So I have used EBay for a few years now and have never had a problem. I have also used Paypal for the same amount of time and, also, no problems. A few weeks ago that changed.

Just for fun I tried to apply for a PayPal Credit Card. After a short credit check, I was denied--big surprise there. In my mind and experience, that was the end of the matter, and I went on my merry way. Then I began to receive statements from PayPal stating that I owed them a monthly payment for charges to my PayPal Buyer Credit account. Thinking that this was a phishing scam, I disregarded the notice. The next month I received the same statement, but with a higher minimum payment. So I began to call PayPal. What they wanted to pay the account were the routing and checking account numbers of my own bank. I spoke to my bank. They advised me to not give them the numbers.

In the end, after formally disputing the charges*, I made the payment using my checking account. I now have a zero balance. I wanted to close my account, but PayPal would not let me. The letter I received from them regarding my dispute was a form letter sent to buyers/sellers and had nothing to do with me. This morning I called PayPal and was able to close the account.

PayPal is not a financially secure way to build credit. Although they are affiliated with a bank, they do not seem to be governed by the FDIC, as the bank is actually in Luxembourg. Now, my facts may be incorrect, but on-line research has shown me that I am not the only one to have gone through this and there have been far worse scenarios. Some people have had their entire bank accounts frozen by PayPal and it has taken months to thaw them out. It all seems pretty shady to me. Plus, the unofficial rumor is that EBay trying to discourage any seller who does not accept PayPal, which seems discriminatory to me. Perhaps it is not.

So...I am no longer using PayPal. No worries for me. Good riddance.

On more positive notes...I am currently beginning a move from this blog to a WordPress site. I hope to have my actual whole website up soon, before I head off to Europe, at least. It will be a basic page with links to my gallery page as well as others, including the blog. When the times comes, I'll set up a re-direct for everyone.

Johnnyboy

*I withdrew the dispute before paying the balance. The letter arrived a few days later, and, like I said, did not address the subject of my dispute.

Ups and Downs...

2009-01-24T13:49:00.002-05:00

I don't know what was happening in the past few weeks. A friend told me that Mercury has been in retrograde, and that we must all watch our speaking, thinking, and actions. Sounds like we should all stay in bed. The good news is that, I think, it is no longer retro, so things should be getting better. Here's how my life has been...

I wasn't able to get any work done, although I have been granted extensions on my two courses from last semester. That has changed in the past few days, as I am almost finished with most of what I started two months ago, and only since Wednesday. Even I am impressed.

My Credit By Evaluation (CBE) for college has been turned over to yet another evaluator. Apparently the first woman didn't supply the proper work for the needs of the college. So I have to go through this process again. I am left feeling discriminated against. For instance, if I had been in the armed forces for two years, I would have been granted automatic college credit for doing so. This does not apply to an Associates Degree in Culinary Arts, 120 credits from the culinary school I attended, or the 18 years I spent working in the field. Logic says that if I had learned how to kill someone at 1000 yards with one shot I would have no problem getting the 16 credits I am asking for. Just remember, I only feel as if I am being discriminated against. No one can sue me for 'feeling'.

Mom's mental state has shifted slightly, and she is becoming a little more disoriented and confused than before. Thank the Big Wheel that we hire the caregivers when we did. It makes this transition smooth and easy. Overall though, her health is solid, her mood is up, and she is safe, warm, and loved from all angles.

I have my tickets for my spring trip to the Balkans. On the schedule are the two AA conventions (Croatia and Greece) and a side trip to Serbia. Serbia celebrated two years of AA this past November, which makes me grateful to be sober and witness this kind of 'seed planting' of sobriety at this time. I am looking forward to the experience. I am going to keep things loose in terms of destinations. I am flying into Vienna and will take a train to Zagreb. This means I leave to return to the US from Vienna as well. I will have to explore that city and give it its due.

As promised, the enclosed picture is of the new baby, the Canon 50D. I have the 50mm L series lens attached for the full effect. That's a lot of glass, as they say.

What a time to be alive!

Johnnyboy

P.S.--Nice job America! Now let's get to work!
--J

Oh my...My, oh my...

2009-01-08T19:36:00.002-05:00

My new camera arrived -- with it my new lens. These represent an enormous upgrade in both cost and commitment.

I have been fooling around with it for a few minutes, after charging the battery, of course.

Oh my.

A Canon 50D with a EF 50mm f/1.2L USM lens.

Oh my.

It puts the Rebel XTi to shame. It's so heavy. It's so solid. The bokeh is so smooth. 15 mega pixels. Almost noiseless shutter....just a soft 'thwwwppp'--no click or anything.

I'm in love again. I'll post a picture tomorrow...

Johnnyboy

Contradictory people...

2009-01-08T11:21:00.005-05:00

When my sister was here over Thanksgiving it seemed that every time I made some comment about food or the weather, or anything really, she needed to make some contradictory statement. An example is:
Me: That news restaurant has a huge menu, most of which is pre-fabricated food from a freezer.
Sister: I love pre-fab food! (In reality she never has. She has maintained the aura of an Earth-friendly local food type of person for decades.)

Today I experienced something else. One of the care givers always has to make some kind of damn statement about how we live here at our home. It is driving me nuts. Today, however, it was different. I am expecting a package via Fed Ex. It is a new camera and lens. It is quite an investment and was in the 4-figure range of pricing. The sender (Beach Camera) requires a signature form someone in the house to complete delivery. I am planning to go to the grocery store. In the event that they deliver while I am away I told Elizabeth (her real name) about the possibility and could she sign for me. Her response?

Elizabeth: It's been my experience that FedEx just drops things wherever they want, and never requires a signature.
Me: But the sender requires it due to the high value of the package.
Elizabeth: That has never happened to me...

All I wanted was "Sure, that's fine." I didn't need her personal opinion and a run-down of her experiences with FedEx. Nor do I really want her opinion on anything except the health and well-being of my mother. It bothers me that she tries to impose her values in my home.

I am tired of these people contradicting me just for the sake of hearing their own voices. They do not contribute to the conversation of the forward movement of society.

On better things...I have finished the dreaded 'Digital Art and Design' class. It is over and I will never take another on-line course again as long as I have something to say about it. 'Unfulfilled', 'Bamboozled', 'Tedious', and 'Waste of time and money' are some phrases that come up when I think of it. After reading the comments of others I have discovered that I am not alone. I am back on track with the rest of last semester (thankfully!) and start the next one in two weeks. I will begin my Senior Thesis and take a class (Study Group!) called 'From Page to Stage" which is about reading and staging theater. Sounds fun!

BTW...If you haven't already, see the documentary 'Helvetica'...Very fun and cool.

Johnnyboy

Empire State College screws up again...

2009-01-07T12:57:00.002-05:00

Last year I submitted a proposal to my college for credit for previous life experience as a working chef. I had almost 20 years in the business before I left for a new life, much of which revolved around ESC and my completion of my B.A.

It has been made aware to me that the evaluator never sent any of the forms into the college. So I called the evaluator. According to her she sent them three times and then finally on a special form supplied to her by the college itself--all before the holidays.

So where did the form go? Whose in-box did it land in and who deleted it from their file? Who is to blame? Who is lying? Who is guilty of discrimination?

I have to admit that trying to get any credit from the college has been a disappointment. They do not accept credit from "trade schools" like culinary institutes. On the other hand they do automatically give credit to people who have served in the armed forces.

Perhaps I should have learned how to kill rather than cook. Then I would have no problem getting credit.

Johnnyboy

The new year, with old year flotsam and jetsam...

2009-01-05T12:53:00.002-05:00

The holidays are over, the tree has been discarded, the tourists have departed the area and Somewheresville has settled into the mellow calm of January. If only I could do the same.

I am still behind in last semester's work, with three papers to write before the middle of the month. I can do it! Yes I can! I feel like Bob the Builder...

I begin the next semester right on the heels of the departing one, so I will be happy when I can begin something anew, with a fresh outlook and be through with the leftovers.

Mom is doing well; safe, happy, warm, loved, and cared for.

I am now in my 7th year of sobriety, having celebrated my 6th last week. Life goes on, thank the Big Wheel that spins in the Cosmos.

Johnnyboy

Here we go....!

2008-12-31T17:37:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year everyone!

May you have all that you need and need all that you have. May prosperity and serenity both smile upon you this new year.

Johnnyboy

A new addition to the list...

2008-12-18T18:46:00.002-05:00

I was searching for meetings in Albania for a friend (and myself too) and came across this blogger. Her sense of spirituality is serene and I will enjoy reading her blog. She is in the list under 'Another Spiritual Traveler'. She posted this, which I had not read in many years.

I think I'll post it too. Pass it on.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

(c) Max Ehrman 1926

Johnnyboy

Christmas giving...

2008-12-09T12:12:00.002-05:00

This Christmas is special for me. My mother is deteriorating before my eyes and this may be the last Christmas that she is aware of. While I am wrapped up in the selfish resentment that no one has asked me what I want for Christmas, I am actively giving generously to those in need: children in the area need clothing and food; families need assistance of all sorts. This is the kind of giving I am trying to practice.

So if you are wondering what to give, give to those who are in the midst of financial woes. Give what you can, if only of your time and patience. Volunteer if you are able. In my area there are many local organizations who practice this kind of community spirit. To quote Mr. Spock, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few- or the one."

If everyone gives a little locally, the larger world improves all around. This is the Spirit of Christmas, but please do not let it end on December 26th. The needy are in need the rest of the year as well.

Johnnyboy

Moving along...

2008-12-01T21:39:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving is over and the guests have left. Actually they left on Saturday, but Monday is close enough. It was bittersweet, with my mother's health a looming concern, family dysfunction and, for me, a realization that I need not be intimidated by one of my family members any more. I have always been cowed by her noise, drama, and control. That has now ended. She revealed her true colors and there was nothing about them that caused anxiety, only sadness. Loneliness and regret are horrible emotions to drag around. I know, having dragged around my own sack of sadness for many years. My program of recovery has taught me to be a different person though. For that I am grateful. I am not better than her, or anyone else. That arrogance has been left behind as well. I have changed in the past few years, and I resemble little the person who walked through the doors of AA. I was shaking then, emotionally dead, unable to stand up and be counted, filled with fear and shame. No more. I hope and pray that she finds these things, this sense of calm and serenity, someday. I have left jealousy, resentment and anger behind in these matters.

School is moving along, but I fear I am behind in my work. The Digital Art and Design course has lost its shine; my history course needs only a small kick-start to finish up the tasks at hand. Next semester I begin work on my senior thesis, which is yet undecided. Probably something to do with the Balkans. I am also hoping to take some photography courses at a local community college so I can get some darkroom time. It has been many years since I have done this work (about 30!) so I need to re-learn all these things. I hope that the rest of my stay at ESC revolves around these kinds of courses. Frankly I need a a break from the history lessons. It feels like it is time to move along academically.

Here at the house I pay the bills (or make sure they are paid); I manage the upkeep, including repairs; I prepare the place for the future so the house stays well kept and solid; I act as liaison between my mother's estate and her business advisers; I make sure that my siblings are kept in the loop regarding her health.

I am rebuilding my life from the smoldering ashes of the past. I will receive my B.A. just in time for Christmas 2009; I will apply to schools again for their MFA programs in photography. I will do these things as insurance against the storms that rock any boat at sea. I will set my compass on the distant horizon and sail into the next adventure, using maps I have been given and tools that keep me on course. In this fashion I have no fear, either from man or the world. The waves may rise, the wind may howl and doldrums may still the waters, but I will stay afloat, not due to any particular skill, but because I have the desire to do so and the ability to work for a life worth living--and I will not be alone in my journey. Myriad seers, friends, and mentors will be there to help me, but I have to ask for help.

These are some of the things I do. These are my tasks. This is my role here. I am useful and serve a larger purpose.

Johnnyboy

New things a-foot...

2008-11-19T16:53:00.002-05:00

The concept of applying for an MFA is still not out the window, but more importantly I am hoping to have a much better web presence within a couple of months. The blog will come with me, dear readers, so not to worry. With it comes the angst, recovery, and laughter that only the pains of growing up can bring.

Mom is doing well. The weather has turned suddenly cold so getting her out of the house is more difficult. This is understandable. I'm glad the house is snug and warm and she is loved, cared for, and safe. This much I can guarantee.

The holidays will be the holidays. I have begun praying for those in my life who cause my stomach to grind its insides apart and because of that I can sleep better, although I had a fucked up "dream" the other night...More a nightmare...

I dreamed that the only reason I continue to make excellent grades in college and doing well in other venues is because I have Down Syndrome and those around me are going easy on me. What a relief to wake up and know that this is not true!

Johnnyboy

Such news and holiday angst...

2008-11-16T09:17:00.003-05:00

The photo show has been up for a few weeks and, I hope, showing well. I have distanced myself somewhat from the experience, feeling grateful to have just been chosen to participate. If I sell anything, it will be a wonderful bonus. The exposure and acknowledgment is the real high point for me.

School is moving along. I am still having fun with my US/Caribbean Foreign Policy course but the Digital Art and Design class is wearing thin. PhotoShop is all wonderful, but I have become bogged down in the sanitary nothingness of the truth behind web design and logos: it's about advertising and self-branding, as a famous librarian friend has mentioned. I really feel kind of slimy trying to promote myself like a piece of meat. A few of us have stated this in the class, but I don't know if the instructor has read the comments yet. The class is almost over, however, so I'll push through and take the grade given.

I have begun looking at MFA programs in photography. One school, very near to me, offers one of the best. I attended the MFA open-house last week and was a bit apprehensive as I walked in the room. I was immediately put at ease by a friendly face that I had not seen for a while. That allowed me to relax, participate and enjoy the day. I will be applying there next January, 2010.

I am a sort of a purist when it comes to photography and computers. I really have no use for PhotoShop except to re-size, canvas, and crop. Beyond that I try my best to make the best image that I can with the camera first. If the picture sucks, it sucks. Screw the philosophy of post-production...It;s a cop-out.

Deer season opened yesterday...We have hunters up in the woods thinning the herds...Guns are booming. That is a pretty unnerving sound.

Mom is doing well, I suppose. She is alert, very capable still, and extremely feisty. My sisters and I will be having a meeting during the Thanksgiving weekend concerning her care and where we go from here. The 24-hour women who are here now are fantastic. My opinion is that nothing is broken so nothing should be fixed. The family has seen fit to live their lives away from here so far, and they should continue to do so.

These kinds of family summits have long since ruined the holidays for me. Thanksgiving should be a time of gratitude and peace-making. Instead, for me at least, it has become a symbol of fear, invasion and sudden change. This is all very sucky, and no amount of post-production will cure it.

Johnnyboy

Perhaps it's the weather...

2008-10-28T00:47:00.002-05:00

I have been reflecting on the past 4 years I have been spending with my mother. Initially I moved home because it was all I could do, having left my old life behind in a pile of debris and smoldering, burned bridges. Within a month or so it was obvious that I was there to help her more than the other way around.

As the years went by, her Alzheimer's progressed, my sobriety grew, her frailty increased, and my role as caregiver expanded to include more than just the occasional trip to the store for her. I have now taken over the household accounting and serve as her Power-of -Attorney. I am not alone in these tasks, and for this I am thankful. There is her financial manager in The Big City who oversees her rather large estate; her attorney who manages that as well as her estate legal affairs; her CPA who prepares her taxes each quarter; there are my two sisters who offer me support from long distance and visit when they can -- they are also listed as POA's should I not be able to fulfill this task; and the crew of amazing caregivers working 24 hours a day that allow me to not only live my own life but to handle the above responsibilities round out the team.

Mom's habits have shifted since her broken rib incident a month ago. She has withdrawn and spends much of the time in bed. Sometimes she is sleeping, and sometimes she is reading. Sometimes she just sits there and stares off into space, perhaps just thinking. Her depression is palpable. She is angry at the world and confused about what is happening to her. She is frightened by the loss of self that has accompanied this emptiness in her mind. The worst part is that she knows this is occurring.

Someone mentioned to me the other day that it must be hard to see this going on. I think I have begun dismissing this kind of statement by rationalizing my being here as a gift, some sort of frightful challenge that is helping me grow. I think from now on I am going to acknowledge the pain and tell them it is especially hard on me because I have absolutely no control over the slow and terrifying slipping away of my mother, who I will always remember as being fun-loving, brilliant, energetic, and youthful.

This may sound selfish to some, but I think that part of living my life is to not be so tough or reserved when it comes to this matter. This is the most painful time of my life, and I hope none of you ever have to go through it. But if you do, don't do it alone.

Johnnyboy

Amazing news and some of the same-same...

2008-10-25T12:18:00.002-05:00

So...To recap the same-same...

Mom is doing better. We have put her on a mild anti-depressant and should be seeing results soon. She has been on Lexapro for about a month now. She still likes to stay in bed and read, but with weather like we have been having, who could blame her.

My school work is going along, but in fits and starts. I am having real difficulty with the PhotoShop class, mostly due to my inability to speak 'Geek'. I am stymied by the current project, but I'll get through it. It seems as if the person who wrote the instructions for our class wasn't too hot on the English language.

On the fantastic side of things, I submitted six images to an open call for the local arts council and a juried photography show. Three were chosen! I was stunned and amazed, and this makes me happy, although I am humbled by the happening. The opening is next weekend, in Hudson. I'll post the address later.

Johnnyboy

Sickness, broken bones, Alzheimer's disease, and PowerPoint...

2008-10-18T19:08:00.003-05:00

...All of the above.

I'm sick. I have diagnosed myself with sinusitis...My left gland on my neck has been swollen for a couple of days. My neck hurts. Tylenol kills my headache for about three hours and then it comes back with shock-like stabbings from deep within my skull. My face hurts. The top of my head is sensitive. In fact, the left side of my face feels heavier than the right, and although my nose isn't stuffy, it isn' t 100% clear either. I'm tired, cranky, and running a slight fever of about 100 degrees. It's too early to go to bed...

Two weeks ago my mother decided to do a sweet thing. She thought it would be nice to come upstairs to visit me while I was building my new bookcase from IKEA. This she did, and unaccompanied. On the way down the stairs, her worn out old slippers slid out from underneath her and she almost tumbled, but instead bumped a couple of steps down. Unfortunately she broke a rib. This has meant more bed rest and Vicodin for her. After recovering fully from a broken sacrum last spring and erlichiosis this summer, she is back in bed.

Fuck.

Still it's not her fault. She's the one with Alzheimer's, not me. Why am I so pissed off? I am thankful for the 24 hour caregivers here. They allow me to move along with my life, but actually they have freed me up to assume responsibilities that I could not last year, mostly financial ones.

School is moving along. I am suddenly swamped with work this week (and I'm sick, remember?) but I'll get done what I can. I have three papers to write and a module of my Digital Art and Design class.

Yesterday I drove to Syracuse and gave a short presentation today on relief work I was involved with last summer. 3 1/2 hours each way at 80 mph for a 35 minute PowerPoint show. In some ways I was a little disappointed in the other presenters. So many of them seem to be gravitating towards the overly popular 'gender studies' subjects. It's boring, I tell you, boring. What ever happened to literature, art, science, history, and philosophy? Now all of these admirable subjects are examined through the strange lens of sexual identification? Please...! It's worse than teaching Rhetoric as a writing subject.

Still the 12 people who saw my presentation liked it, and enough so that some of the faculty want me to present it in classes in Albany. So that's good news. I guess I'm grateful.

I feels like shit. Achy, cranky, tired...Plus the caregiver who worked this morning didn't pick up the fucking mail, which means no NetFlix, therefore I cannot watch 'Grey's Anatomy: Season 4' until Monday....

Johnnyboy

Posting commentators...and more...

2008-09-24T16:04:00.002-05:00

I must admit these folks amuse me.

First, there are the legit ones, people I know, people who are genuinely responding. Thank you for everything.

Then there are the nutters and spammers...We all have those.

Then there are the folks who search the blogs for keywords and then comment on those posts. I just got one of those. It was a comment on a post I wrote back in January 27, 2006. It was about "A Million Little Pieces" and Oprah Winfrey. I mean really, how often have I thought of Oprah since then? Once? Twice, maybe?

The great news is that the photography company that I have been sending my digital prints to for enlarging is as goos as advertised. I know have 9 -16" x 24" prints that I need to have matted. I'll frame them myself. The quality is superb (real Kodak paper) and the price...So inexpensive. For the whole 9 pictures it was around $130, and that includes s/h.

Very happy.

I am off to The Manhattan Short Film Festival tomorrow night with a friend and then to a night out in Troy, New York on Friday. I have begun my Tai-Ji Guon class and handed in the first of six papers for my Commie Class.

The photoshop class is buzzing along too. Above is an example of some work that I have done.

Johnnyboy

Goodbye brilliance...Hello idiocy

2008-09-21T14:51:00.006-05:00

David Foster Wallace took his own life last week. It has taken this long for me to respond. My first year sober was spent reading his seminal novel 'Infinite Jest' in my little room, all 1079 pages, including footnotes. It helped me while away the time, made me laugh, question reality, and made me jealous that someone could write a book that long and that crazy. Here's a random quote, from page 579, of the Little-Brown soft cover published in 1996...

"Something touching about a gift that a toddler's so awfully overwrapped makes a sickly-pale and neurasthenic but doting Mrs. Green, Bruce's beloved Mama, choose the mugged-dachshund-foil-sheen-cylinder present first, of course, to open, on Xmas morning, as they sit before the crackling fireplace in different chairs by different windows with views of Waltham sleet, with bowls of Xmas snacks and Acme-'N-logoed mugs of cocoa and hazelnut decaf and watch each other taking turns opening gifts."

Joyce, Kerouac, and others pale in comparison.

I had a lovely conversation with my sister this morning and felt better about all these life situations than I have for a long time. Something about the final line in the promises that says "God is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves." That fills me with hope. My qualifying went very well also...A good, but small group of grateful alcoholics. My sponsee even made it. What a guy.

So how about that extremely dangerous idiotic pair of McCain and Palin? If they get their way we will all soon be living in an irrational, nationalistic, medieval society. Then will come the witch hunts, the public burnings, and our nation will soon live in the bonfire of global shame. How can someone like this ignorant harpie get to this position?

Only in America, ladies and gents, only in America...

Johnnyboy

My mother's needs...

2008-09-20T17:32:00.003-05:00

My mother's needs outweigh my own, and that can sometimes be a bad thing. I do take care of myself, in many ways, but trying to explain to her why she needs assistance from people other than me is beginning to bother me and weigh me down. The question of why she cannot drive anymore is heartbreaking. How can I keep this up?

I have two other siblings who love and care for her as well, but so far I am still the one with the emotional football. It would be great if one of them did some of the work around here.

I am off to a meeting tonight in a nearby town. I have volunteered as the speaker. I guess that's what life really is...A series of moments when we are either chosen or we volunteer. More than likely the latter.

Johnnyboy

Some recent school projects...

2008-09-17T10:01:00.005-05:00

Here are a couple of recent projects from the CS3 class
that I am taking on-line. The first is a basic picture clean-up job. I used an old photograph of my Great-great-great Grandfather McCulloch.
The second is a poster
I just finished as an
example of layout and
design. I used too many
images, but since I can lock and unlock at will, I can always change it...

Johnnyboy

School, homelife, and flaming nutters...

2008-09-15T18:22:00.004-05:00

So school is going well. I have been reading alot lately and have begun my first of six papers on the Cold War. It's pretty heavy political reading, but I thoroughly enjoy it.

I have also been working on my on-line course in Digital Art and Design. It is a new experience for me, this on-line format, and I find it OK, but not the best way for me to learn. In the long run I could, if I felt inclined, do the entire course in a couple of weeks and then just hand in the work when I am supposed to do so, but I feel that it is enough just to be a week ahead of the curve. CS3 is fun, and not too hard, at least at this level. As the semester progresses, it will become more difficult.

There are two excellent photography exhibits opening in the Big City soon...One is of the artist William Eggleston and the other is the photographer Josef Koudelka. I'm hoping to see both. In their separate ways they both exemplify the image of humanity and the normalcy that makes up the species. Sometimes it is horrible, sometimes beautiful, mostly it can be seen as an everyday occurrence--living.

Mom is doing well. She is tired a lot, but her doctor reminds us of her age and her other issues and her weariness is justified. She is downstairs right now, with a very nice caregiver, while I am here, typing away with a clear conscience.

I have been flamed by some religious loony again. It makes me thankful for the moderation option on this site. I can read the idiocy and the hatred and then dump the whole thing in the trash. And I thought I had too much time on my hands! I wonder what these folks do in their off-time...? It is safe to say that they are irrational medievalists and ripe for the nationalist flag wavers to come along and turn them into the kind of jack-booted street trash that have dominated so many totalitarian regimes.

Watch out America, it could happen here!

Johnnyboy

PC MD problems...

2008-09-07T00:06:00.002-05:00

So I decided to upgrade my PC Doc software tonight.

After paying for a new subscription, I activated the stuff. I then spent the next hour trying to get the damn thing to work with my system. In the end I was able to go into Add/Remove and dump the thing completely. Previous to that movies would not play, McAfee would not load, I could not access my Start menu, etc...

Now it is running just fine. I doubt I can get my $39 back...

Johnnyboy

The End of Summer...

2008-08-31T07:53:00.003-05:00

The cicadas are buzzing easily in the green leaves outside my office window. The Little Blue Heron that has decided to call my pond home has been awake for a few hours now, it's breakfast complete with frogs, tadpoles, insects; mine with juice, vitamins, coffee, and toast as I watched her walk slowly on stick legs...It is sunny today, and is supposed to be quite hot, in the 80s, but the nights are deliciously cool, ideal for sleeping. This is a steady weather pattern for the next few days, and summer is turning a corner, bending the morning light as it moves from view. Sunbeams now stream through my eastern windows, waking me unlike my now unused alarm clock.

School officially begins on the 8th. I cannot access my on-line art course until tomorrow, but that's alright. I have begun some reading for my 'Commie' class. but I want to finish two books this week and begin some others. Then it is paper writing time...My first telephone lecture/discussion is on the 18th, but I would like to have one paper all but finished by then.

I have discovered that a good friend of mine used to be the staff photographer for a local weekly and still has all the darkroom equipment. All that is missing is the room itself and the chemicals. Chemicals I can get, it's the space that seems to be a tough nut to crack. So anyone with any ideas, short of setting up in my bathroom, please share...

It's Sunday, the day before Labor Day. I feel distracted and odd. Maybe I should get out of the house and go take pictures...Just drive. I'm allowed to do that.

Johnnyboy

Can't sleep...Blogging will help...

2008-08-25T23:41:00.002-05:00

My mind is ticking along tonight so I have been tossing and turning in bed for about an hour. Blogging will help, I hope. At least I will have updated some things. Then I'll try sleep once more.

It has been advised that I receive 16 credits for my past career instead of 12, which is great. I hope they grant my wish. That means after this next semester I will only need 20 credits to graduate!

This is how I plan to spend my final three semesters...

8 credits consist of a capstone Senior Thesis on history, probably Balkan in nature. The other 12 (three classes) will probably be artistic in nature, specifically photographic, and all involving a darkroom. I will have to cross-register at Hudson Valley Community College but it will allow me to take B/W Photography I and II and Color Photography and developing. This goes a long way in giving me enough undergraduate credits to fulfill requirements for an MFA program; where, I do not know, but probably within the SUNY system.

Mom is doing well. The Caregiving Women are saving my life, and my sanity. I was able to go to a wonderful presentation of Dylan Thomas' 'Under Milkwood' last night that blew me a way. I didn't worry once about how she was or what was going on at home.

I went back to a meeting tonight that I had not attended for about 4 months. It is a Big Book study in nearby Cataractburg, one that I have always enjoyed and benefited from. Unfortunately, aside from one or two old faces, the attendees were all new and somewhat dim in thought. It is a good lesson for me in remembering what I can bring to the meeting instead of what I take. I hope I helped others. Anyway, someone asked me to be his temporary sponsor. He's a nice guy who has had trouble staying away from the substances that baffle and bedevil him. So guess it was a good idea to go.

Tomorrow I am driving another fellow to his out-patient alcohol program twenty minutes away, waiting for him for two hours, and then driving back. I'll bring my camera and a book and get some work done. I'm shooting on 35mm film these days, so it will be a nice change.

I'll try to update more often.

Johnnyboy