Thanksgiving, memories, ...deja vu!

...And I'm currently deja vu-ing away. This is so strange. I swear that I already named a post "Thanksgiving, memories,..." Very odd. I like the experience of Deja vu, of course, but it makes me a little creeped out in some ways. Does this mean that the future cannot be changed, or that our minds are just having a little hiccup or something? Are there people who do not know the feeling of Deja vu?

I had a long talk with my father today. I'm going to meet him in the City next month for a couple of days and bop around with he and his wife, Kathleen. She's very nice and we get along pretty well. There was never any idea of a 'stepmother' role as they were married when I was in my 20s and too mature (right!) for another mother. But it was a good chat today and we spoke about old friends and typical family stuff. I confirmed the date of his last visit to my sister up north (10 years ago), so if I ever have to trot out that piece of info, I can. I have a feeling I'll need it on Thanksgiving, when family stuff will come up.

It feels very good to be challenging the old illnesses in my life. Taking responsibility for my own existence and trying to make something of the foundation that I have built over the past 4 years is a lot of work, but to deny my past would be to lie about the present and defraud the future. That's why if I have a problem with someone, I have found it's best to go straight to them instead of someone else, and complain. I'm trying to grow up here, for Christ's sake. I am extremely grateful that I have a loving and mature relationship with my father, my sister, and my mother. I'm even beginning to reach out a little more to cousins and not-so-distant relatives. I am accumulating a long list of friends worldwide and near at home who know all about me, even my "secrets". They understand that the only shame that's real is the shame from not reaching out and asking for help, being a friend, and accepting your part in all circumstances. No one is innocent. There are no angels. We have all hurt others as we think that they have hurt us. To run away and hide is not the way to break the cycle. I tried that for years. Confront your fear. Look into the abyss. What are you afraid of?


I ordered the turkey and oysters for Thanksgiving. There will be 6 of us for dinner: My mother, myself, my sister from the city and her husband, an old friend of ours up the road, and a friend of my mothers. It should be a good crowd.

I always worry about oven space. The food will be classic T'giving fare--nothing too off the wall. No need to challenge anyone on a day of rest and relaxation.

I'm currently watching "The Prisoner" on DVD. Very cool and surreal 1960's pop spy TV. There are definitely some Dali-esque elements in some of the indoor stage sets, and the whole feeling is of swinging London a la Rene Magritte.





Johnnyboy