Sad Souls, adrift in the Night....

Last night I came home from the Step meeting, took to garbage out, and came back inside. At that moment the phone rang. It was quarter-to-ten on a Friday night, usually a down time for the phone. I picked it up, expecting to speak to someone from the rooms, and my mother picked up the phone in her room. What I heard worried me, "Hello, P-----, (my mother) this is David M------." I hung up the phone. A few minutes later mom informed me that David needed money for a place to stay, so she was going to lend him $30 bucks. I warned her against it, but her generosity and philanthropy for those in pain is her business, not mine. I told her, though, that I would be the one to give David the money, and that I would also give him a schedule book for the AA meetings in my state. Now, some background...

David and I are the same age physically. We have known each other since we were children and lived quite nearby. We were fine until about age 8, when David stopped growing mentally. He has never really progressed much beyond that point and dropped out of high school at a young age. We grew apart. David discovered drugs, alcohol, and particularly cocaine, early on, and naturally gravitated towards crack. There is a largish city/town nearby which is also a crack oasis, and so this where he moved. He has been in and out of jails and institutions for 20 years or so, never getting clean and sober. I sometimes think it's because of his mental retardation, and yet it says in "How It Works", regarding "grave emotional and mental disorders"--"many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest." That's David. He is a sad and aimless soul, unable to work, unable to be honest, and probably just 'unable'. So I know tha last thing to do for him is to lend him money, and what else would a crackhead want with $30 bucks at 10PM on a Friday night? How about a 20-piece, a 12-pack, and a pack of smokes?

He said he'd show up in "10 minutes". So I waited, and waited, and waited. If there is one thing I know about this guy, he would not turn down a chance at some free money. Nevertheless, he didn't show up. I think that my voice on the phone, when I said 'hello' spooked him and he decided against the visit. Perhaps he was pulled over by the cops, which would be a blessing for him. There are many options and scenarios.

My mother has made a decision to just hang up the phone if he calls again. This is wise. It is not worth compromising her safety for a visit from an insane person. For me, on the other hand, I would have liked to have given him that meeting list. Maybe he would have used it.

All of this reminds me of how grateful I am for my lot in life, even the bad stuff that I have survived. It's just by chance that I am who and where I am. What a relief.


Johnnyboy