Miracles never cease...

Just a quick update...


My Al-Anon meeting went splendidly. I shared about my own frustartion and fears concerning my mother and her memory loss, as well as her drinking. Of course I am well aware that I can do nothing to help unless she asks, and until then, must be patient and kind. And that's what I heard from the group.

The very next morning she announced that she had made an appointment to see the doctor concerning this issue and...wow! I am so proud of her and her decision to take this step towards a recovery of sorts. She is being very brave and despite her protests of "I'm not scared", I know that I would be. I'll go with her on Tuesday morning to the local clinic and be with her for that time, and then I fly to Greece a few hours later with a better conscience.

My last paper of the semester is almost finished. I cranked out two pages yesterday and three today which adds up to nine with the previous four. Only 2 more to go and I'm done..yet more clear conscience.

I've decided to follow through with season 2 of '24'. I know that I griped about the formulaic structure and the idiocy and predictability of some (all) of the characters, but to be honest, the storyline hooked me but good. Once again I am noticing the excellent acting, fine writing, and complex story arc.

Only two more episodes of Six feet Under, season 4, to watch and that will be done. I hear in season 5 everyone dies...I don't know what to say about that. I'll miss Claire and Brenda. David reminds me too much of an ex during my 'queer attempt' years, so he's a goner in my opinion anyway.

I now weigh 195 pounds. That's down 20# from my start. Not bad, Johnnyboy, not bad. Keep it up.



Johnnyboy

I need AlAnon...

I went to sleep last night thinking that I need an AlAnon meeting. I woke up with the same thought, so I'm going to one tonight. This is the story:

1. I have a sponsee in AA who is less than honest with me, and I am growing tired of schlepping him around. I need to detach from his disease. If he wants the program, he needs to ask for help, and not be urged into doing so.

2. My mother's memory is very fragile. She is 82, wakes up at 4am everyday, has 2 or 3 double scotches between 4:30pm and 6:30pm, and fights like a child to stay awake as long as possible. She is terrified of seeing a neurologist, not for fear of being told the worst (Alzheimers, which she doesn't have), but that the doc will tell her to stop drinking. After 60 years of habitual cocktail hour, this is a tough habit. I need to detach from this disease as well.

There is good news, however...

I have finished my second of three papers and will mail it tomorrow. One more to write and then I'm off on vacay. My AA friends in Greece are waiting me with open arms, and I can't wait.

I have also finished watching the first season of '24' on DVD. I thought the multiple story arc was very well done and the characters seemed well fleshed out. I am happy that the conniving, power mad wife of the Senator was cut off at the end...can you say Eva Peron in the making? The big problem I had, though, was with the kids of the main characters, Bauer and Palmer.

Stupid children acting stupidly...drove me nuts. Honestly, how could smart guys like Jack Bauer and Senator Palmer end up with such idiots for children? If Kimberly Bauer's brains were dynamite, she couldn't blow her nose. The mother isn't much better...and it killed her,.. I think. I have to start in on season 2 tonight.

So my agenda for the next week is:

1. Go to AlAnon at least twice and learn to detatch with love.
2. Write a 12 page paper on the epistemological differences between Kant and Hegel.
3. Watch season 2 of '24'
4. Watch season 4 of 'Six Feet Under'
5. Pack my bags.
6. Leave.


Johnnyboy

Precious life, fleeting and fragile...

With the upsetting news of a friend's riding accident, leaving her in a coma, comes the realization of how precious and special life truly is. She is not dead and I pray to the powers that be to heal her and her family in this dark time. It is strange how spring is blooming outside and yet violent change is all around me. I am trying to be present in this moment and to savor all of the colors, smells, and sounds that I can, never knowing when the lights will be turned out and I, too, may be engulfed in darkness. As one of my favorite games says, "The end is never written", and perhaps that is the secret to life: that the end is never really the end, but rather a beginning into a new phase of life. Because of a simple twist of fate we tumble down the rabbit-hole into a new realm of consciousness, in this case one of selfawareness, and view how needed we all truly are. We are all necessary in the great scheme of things and we all play our part, even if it only to pray for strength.

I feel cold, and ineffectual. I want to turn the clock back and set things right, but who's to say if this isn't the only "right" that there is? As my sponsor says, "Everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment." Perhaps he is correct, but that is cold comfort to the family left in limbo, not knowing the direction to turn. This is why at these times we turn towrds the only direction we know. We turn towards God, or Allah, or our Higher Power, and ask for help.

Last year in Croatia I was a witness to a horrible and fatal car accident. I was on a bus with many other travellers, and one man about my age told us all to pray. When I asked him why or whom he prayed for he answered, "I pray for those left behind, and for myself, that I might find peace in my own heart at the confusion and chaos all around me."

So I ask for this help today, as I do everyday, for each day is new, and unique, although I may not be. I ask to be relieved of the confusion and chaos in my heart and to be able to live a life that is happy, joyous, and free. I know that Kathleen would say the same. She is not one to lay down and give up, and I believe that she won't do that now.



Johnnyboy

Where has the time gone?

My apologies for being so tardy and lax on my blog, dear readers, but many things are going on these days.

The end of the semester is nigh and that means pper writing and final reports. All seems to be going well, and I've handed in one piece already. The second I'll start today and mail on next Monday. The third will be written next week, with the same follow-up in the mail. Then I'm off to Greece for a little less than a month for some fun, sun, visits with friends and an AA convention in the middle of the month. All in all I am one very grateful sober guy these days.

I've planted my seeds for my garden in their Jiffy-Pots so when I get back from my trip I can actually put them in the ground. I have tomatos, basil, cantaloupes, buttercup squash, lemon-cucumbers, lots of sunflowers, and bell peppers. It should be a thriving little patch of ground this summer and fall.

I have registered for the summer session in school and will be taking a Quantitative Reasoning class as well as continuing my philosophical studies. I'm only taking 8 credits because I expect a busy summer outside of school. Plus, it is summer, right? I should be taking a break...but that's what Greece is for.

I have been too busy to write haiku, but I'll try to get some written this week and next. I will also be blogging from Greece via a cyber-cafe, so I'll be able to keep you posted on the events over there and the perspective of the US from a foreign port-of-call. Obviously I'll keep everyone abreast of the 12th Annual South Eastern European International English-Speaking AA Convention!

Keep reading...more to come...


Johnnyboy

And the walls come tumblin' down...

Isn't it great? I mean, if you haven't read or heard the news by now, you will. Scooter Libby has decided to not be the fall guy after all and has named Cheney as the man who told him to leak secret info to the press and that Bush approved the order. Ha! I hope they get what they freakin' deserve. I can hear Dickey's ticker clacking away as we speak. Poor, Shrub. He's probably swilling vanilla extract in the broom closet of the White House kitchen and shitting his pants.

Also...Alberto Gonzalez has told the investigators that Bush's warrantless spying program applied to communication within the US as well as calls from the outside.

If I were Condi Rice I'd stay on the airplane and fly right home to Birmingham.

These geese are getting cooked. I think they should string up the lot of 'em for treason on the mall in D.C.

Oh, happy day!


Johnnyboy

It's been days, seems like a week!

I have not posted in quite a while, but all is well, dear bloggers, here in Somewheresville. Spring has arrived, the crocuses are blooming, and the buds are on the trees. Right now the sky is letting loose with some much needed rain in this parched land. I have been planning my garden and I hope to start my seedlings this week. I hear other people planning theirs and I am inspired to push the conventions of my usual tomato-zucchini-basil-cucumber design. I think I'll plant some corn, expanding the plot to allow room for two seperate plantings. One will be all tomatos, basil, rosemary and parsley. The other will have Buttercup squash, lemon cucumbers, 1 zucchini, and the corn. I'll surround both gardens with marigolds to keep the deer and rabbits away. I'm also planting sunflowers this year. By July and August I hope for a bright and fecund reward for the effort I put forth this spring.

Healthwise I have never felt better. I'm down to 204 lbs. from the 215 lbs. I weighed at my last physical 2 1/2 weeks ago. I'm not eating any meat, except for the weekly 3 oz. piece of broiled salmon. My calorie count is hovering around 1200-1300 c.p.d. That means three meals that are very filling but lack the saturated fats of the ham and cheese sandwiches I lived on. To be honest I think I was going through about 4 lbs. of cold cuts a week. Add to that the whole milk, cheeses (yummy French and Italian stuff, 75% fat), and ice-cream, it's no wonder my triglycerides were so high. My liver couldn't process that much. I'm also excersizing everyday. I burn off about 325 calories on the treadmill and then I work my abs for another 30 minutes. I think that my doctor will be very happy in June when I go back for a check-up. My goal is to get down to 190 lbs and to maintain that through the new eating and excersizing habits I have taken on.

I have three papers due in the next 3 1/2 weeks and I think I'll start the first one on Wednesday. This will be for the Cultural Diversity Through Literature class and will be called "Magical Realism and Post-Colonial Cultural Disassociation in Latin American Short Fiction". It's not as complicated as it sounds, and I'll keep you all updated.

My life hasn't been crazy or filled with angst lately so when I called my sponsor the other day he told me that I can call him when things aren't going well. I agree, of course, but I certainly am not going to pretend that they aren't. I am reaping many of the benefits of working the Steps and it shows in my general demeanor. I am calm, collected, available, and patient. I am not panicking about the future and HP seems to be solving many of my most baffling problems. HP is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. My whole attitude and outlook upon life is changing, and I'm not, I repeat, not, over-elated about these things. I'm just plugging along, doing what I need to do today so I can sleep at night.

Speaking of sleep, I gotta go do that. Night all!


Johnnyboy