Really amazing...Kinda weird...

Yesterday I received an email from the USA. It was from my first sponsor, Will B. He still lives near where I live and works as a counselor at Hillslope Rehab Clinic. He has been there a while, ever since I have known him actually. When I first met him he was a devout Buddhist--meditation, kundalini, the whole bit. In fact, that is what attracted me to him as a sponsor, because he was not shouting about 'God' and so forth.


After I went to jail he abandoned me. No letters, a couple of phone calls (in one he told me never to call him again), and that's it. When I got out I called him several times at work and left messages, but to my recollection, he never called me back. Gone with the wind, and my conscious clear.

That has all changed.

His email to me was all about this place, Međugorje, and how he has been a devout practicing Roman Catholic for 'some time now' (it hasn't been that long) and is going to write a book about recovery using the messages of 'Our Lady', (i.e. you-know-who's mama) in a '5 Step' program, with testimonies from the recovered in the back, '...like the Big Book'. He wants my help. What is even spookier is that he said he was here at the beginning of June for a week. I was here then too...I am very happy we did not run into each other. That would have too weird, and he would have seen it as a sign from his god.

He asked to pass his email on to others so I passed it along to my friend Janet, with no promises. She responded this morning to me, and she said we'll talk about it...

Frankly I wish to stay as far from this as possible. I don't want to be part of something that has already been done, as in the Oxford group. My email to Will stated this in a very gentle way, as in, and I quote myself, 'To be honest, I had never been to Međugorje, and although the devotion of some of the people who visit is admirable, it's not my kind of place. I prefer a more balanced cultural experience.'

I hope he gets the hint.

To be truthful, I find his sudden devotion an indication that he is still grasping at straws with his spirituality. It is spooky, and for some reason I have a feeling he could be one of these dangerous, proselytizing zealots. I did tell him that it would be good to have coffee when I get back. I bet it never happens.

I fully expect that in three years he will have converted to Judaism.

Johnnyboy

I, atheist...

The more time I spend here, the more I am realizing that I am an atheist (not agnostic). My belief in a Higher Power has very little to do with an active god in my life, but rather a power that exists in the universe that has no consciousness or plan. Call it bio-electric, call it whatever you want, but I think it is a quantifiable substance that all life exudes, absorbs, contains, etc...When we die, this energy is released into the ether and absorbed by other life forms.

My faith consists of knowing that this energy exists and allows us to have 6th sense feelings about people and situations, thus the idea if 'vibes', good or bad.

We are attracted to people with similar vibes as a matter of simple magnetism, and repelled by those who do not have that.

People's actions can change the charge of said energy, hence when I was drinking, my vibe changed and altered not only my aura (for lack of a better term) but consequently, my personality, attracting me to people and situations that I would normally find not suitable.

This feels very good to me. As if have been able to see something that was always there, but needed this dichotomy of faith and belief to truly be seen. It is also larger and more powerful than me, connecting as it does the entire universe.

Thank you, Obi-wan Kenobi...

Johnnyboy

Hot, hot, hot...Did I say 'hot?'

At 8:30 AM....and the power just went out when I wrote that, and went back on about 5 minutes later. It is now 3:07 in the afternoon and I spent most of the morning putting together the first grouping of some pictures from Bosnia and beyond. I have put them in a new public folder that one can link to through my Picasa site. Find the picture of the guy juggling on this blog and click...search around, you'll find it.

Still hot, but that does not deter the pilgrims from climbing the mountain and praying at the cross. The 12 Stations are on the way up, so I hope they bring water, sunscreen, hats, etc...very dangerous weather.

A group of Irish Travelers rolled into town last night. For those who do not know, they are Irish Gypsies and famous for their disrespect, thievery, and inbreeding. This is not a rumor. I can vouch for this. They are to be avoided at all costs. the children are taught early to emulate their parents and support them through begging, theft, and the old bait-and-switch game. You know, distract you over there and rob you over here. Once again, this is no joke. My Irish friends here tell stories about how the Travelers show up at night, pitch tents in a car park or field, and stay until they have completely despoiled the place with garbage and broken junk. I imagine they will be here all week. Spiritual paths can cross at the oddest times.

I have figured out why I was counting the days. Here in Međugorje, it can be pretty boring, the days all being the same, with nothing here that really interests me except for my work. The town itself has nothing to offer for me really (no museums, no culture, no music, etc...and it's not home!) so I tend to while away my days reading, sleeping, eating...Just like jail. When I go away for a long weekend, however, the counting stops and I am engaged in the real world, where cultures mix and sometimes clash, and the streets are filled with local people, instead of a patchwork population of Catholic devout.

How hot is it? probably around 38* Celsius, so...about 102*F. Not a cloud in sight...


Johnnyboy

Hot time in the Stari Grad tonight...

I'm off to Sarajevo tomorrow for a couple of days and have been given the green light to stay longer should some cool social activity arise. I won't push that, but the possibility of staying there until Monday is there. My boss, however, told me that some of her friends are coming in this weekend and she could arrange for me to meet them for dinner Sunday night. That sounds interesting and fun so I will probably keep it simple and come back on Saturday evening.

It is hot today...and it will get hotter. It is about 33*C which is around 91*F (double the Celsius and add 26). The weather for Sarajevo is supposed to be the same this weekend, so I'll leave my brolly in my apartment.

Today was a good day of emotional/medical support for one of the people we take care of. He suffers from congenital cystic myalgia, which presents itself in tumors all over his body which swell in the hot weather. His father died of this because it was left untreated, and both his brothers suffer from this and other mental and physical disabilities. So we went to the local clinic and waited while the rounds doctor made his diagnoses: some surgery and then biopsy. The people are scared of what might be, so our job is very important. It was joy to see Janet at work, both soothing worry and forcing the mother to stand up and deal with it. Truly a lesson in diplomacy and action. We will find out the news soon enough.

Tonight's AA meeting will be on the topic of freedom and how once I surrendered to the disease of alcoholism and put the bottle down, I set in motion a progression of recovery that has freed me from my own disabilities . It is my first time chairing here in Međugorje, and I am a bit nervous, but we have a script to follow and we only use conference approved literature. I'll turn the rest over to HP.

More to come...

Johnnyboy

Good news, and odd working hours...

It's raining again. Again. I mean, it seems to be raining all over Europe. Usually at this time of year the heat would be climbing and the drought would be building. Two years ago it stopped raining in mid-May and didn't start until the end of September. That's extreme. Oh well....when it rains it pours. It isn't cold, luckily, and I think tomorrow is supposed to be sunny, but with all this moisture about, the temperature, even on the sunny days hasn't topped 80°F.

This is bad for business for the little cafes and souvenir shops around here, whose earnest owners depend upon the summer crowds being out on the street, in throngs, buying up the rosaries, statuettes, baseball caps, and monogrammed shirts that make up the bulk of their stock. With this weather, most folks stay at home, in their pansions or rented apartments. I suppose they watch TV, play cards, read, and do whatever people do on rainy days. Hmmm...it could lead to a small spike in the birthrate nine months from now. Would that be considered the fruit of numerous 'immaculate conceptions'? After all, the rain weary pilgrims are here for a holy purpose...

My working hours are strange. There are long stretches of doing nothing, then a few days of activity, visits, and picture taking. We seem to be in a lull of sorts right now, with some work, but my boss's chronic fatigue syndrome is acting up. It comes on quickly, in the middle of work, and she needs to crash. With her other manageable health issues, this increasingly complicates her life. She needs to conserve energy this week, because the primary fundraisers for our work arrive to celebrate the anniversary of the first appearance of the Virgin Mary which gives fame and hopeful fortune to the locals and spiritual solace to millions of wandering seekers. I worry about her, because she is so efficient in her capacity as an aid facilitator, or social work liaison, or whatever you wish to call it, that she does nothing for herself. It is rare that I see her buy something nice for herself. Today we were supposed to find some flowers for her front garden, but she was overwhelmed with fatigue around 2PM, so we went home. So, my prayer for her is some good rest and some time for herself just to be.

I have spoken to both of my sisters this past week as they have both been visiting mom. Mom is doing great and her new doctor has taken her off of some of her cardiac meds, thinking that her heart doesn't need to work that hard and also some of the meds that her previous doc had her on that were actually hurting her now.

Both sisters are wonderfully impressed with the level of care mom is getting now as well...The women are smart, savvy, fun, and ready to work, not at all like some home care folks that can be dour and all-too-serious.

I just received word that I have tomorrow off...What to do? I think I'll explore the surrounding town and take it easy...read, get some writing in, get ready for my day trip this weekend...Actually from the way it sounds I could take off tomorrow, but I have to take care of an AA meeting Thursday night, so Friday is still the day I split for Sarajevo.

...I have found myself counting the days until I get home...49

Johnnyboy

Balance and viewpoint...

I was speaking with a Bosnian Croat today who had graduated from University with a history degree. We discussed the ability to write about history from an impartial standpoint. After a while the subject turned to the most recent badness around here and he became very pointed. Be watchful of English journalists, and there isn't much that is impartial. After a while I realized that I was speaking to a Bosnian Croat and that he was indeed speaking in that function. So here inside the Balkan bubble, there is no such thing as impartiality, only nationalistic opinion.

Then I spent a great 5 hours talking to the owner of my flat, an Irishman who has lived here for four years. We both agreed that the locals were a bunch of nutters who had no sense of history or possibilities of a future. This is the logic: If you offered a local 10 dollars a day to work for you he would. Then say, 'I am paying you 1000 dollars at the end of the month instead of 10 a day', he would take the daily wage first. Nutters.

More work tomorrow, then, I hope, more work all week before I go back to Sarajevo this weekend for the Run Against Drugs being sponsored by the US Consulate. More to come...


Johnnyboy

My friend, Eliot Asinof, dead at 88 years of age...

Today's New York Times had Eliot's obituary in it. This is sad news in Mudville indeed. He was a wonderful man, with a kind and grumpy heart, a real curmudgeon. He was a writer of some fame, having worked in Hollywood as a screenwriter in the 40s and 50s and then being blacklisted during the McCarthy era. He made a great comeback, though, with his seminal work 'Eight Men Out', which was made into a film. He was a good man, an excellent neighbor, and a fixture in the Somewheresville scene. He wrangled with the best minds in the town over coffee and breakfast at first the Cinnamon Twist and then The Farmer's Wife. His mushroom hunting skills garnered shopping bags of morels and chanterelles, and he was known for his baked chicken with walnuts. The little town I live in has grown considerable smaller in the 24 hours since his departure from this plane of existence. As a writer he leaves behind a prolific testimony: 12 novels, countless screenplays, teleplays, and numerous cameo appearances in John Sayles' (with whom he shared a deep friendship) films.

Farewell Eliot...Be well, do good work, and take the rest of the day off...

Johnnyboy

Some time with the Roma...

The day has been hot, but I was busy nonetheless. My boss, Janet, and I went into Mostar this morning at around 8:30am accompanied by our able and friendly translator/assistant/friend, Vesna. Actually she's Janet's translator, my friend. She certainly does the work of three people! First we stopped by the Roma encampment by the Neretva River to see how they were faring, and how many have left. The city is planning a large apartment complex on the site where they have built their ramshackle homes, so many of them have moved away, either to less controversial accommodations, or out of town altogether. Some are still there, but those are the ones that actually have a deed of sorts for the property. We visited for a while and I was able to take a few pictures, and we planned on coming back later with food and diapers.

Then we stopped at the Social Services office and Janet made an appointment for a later meeting. After that we stopped by the office of the local Roma president and spoke with him about some of the families that needed homes. He showed us the city approved plans for a Roma community housing complex near the river that is currently being built. It all looks very good on paper, but I will believe it when I see it. Historically these people are maligned and shoved to the bottom of the heap, and after the war they are subject to even more ˝justified˝ prejudiced. The Roma chief was a very nice man, though; small, wiry, and smart. Not the stereotype I was expecting. He made a good subject for the camera as well, and eager to be normal in a society that sees him as a fringe dweller.

Next we had a lunch visit with the founder of the local sobriety 'Klub' (not AA at all) and argued with her as to if we could start an AA meeting in Mostar...Actually Janet played the consummate diplomat, I merely listened. The upshot is that everyone is territorial of their little powers here and anyone coming in and asking to help out can be considered a threat to their self-imposed hierarchy. That is not to say that this woman has not worked miracles in her time, but her responses were all 'no', 'nope', and 'uh-uh' until finally Janet's diplomacy worked and we received a 'Maybe you can help...I'll look into it'. At least it's a small change from the negative.

After that we drove to the supermarket and bought a 25kg bag of flour, some eggs, vegetable oil, fruit, and vegetables and took them back to the the Roma camp. We were well received and there were more of them there, having just come back from begging in the city. We stayed for a little bit and I really think I took some remarkable photos. Once again, I'll wait until I get home to post some, but these are portfolio material, definitely.

To get an idea of their living conditions, imagine a garbage landfill, with a small road running through it. Tar paper and plywood shantys, old cars, and squalor, abject poverty, and disease running rampant. That's Roma life. So the nice office where I visited the local president was not indicative of reality.

25km away lies Međugorje, pride of the Croatian Catholic Church, run by the Franciscans, crammed with 'pilgrims' from around the world wanting to see a miracle or two or at least grow closer to their God. They certainly spend the money to do so. I hope they find it, I really do, because there are people in the world who could really use a miracle or two in their lives.

...and I wanted to be humbled...


Johnnyboy

Catholic Mass, amazing foot massage, and taking pictures of Gypsies...

Well, I took the plunge. I joined my boss this morning for a Mass at the big church here in town. The most remarkable thing is that I did not turn into a Catholic! In fact, I got a lot out of the message, which had a lot to do with faith, searching for it, and not thinking that when we have it, it is enough to keep it the same. Faith must grow and change with my life and sobriety. It was no surprise to find that the young Padre who led the mass is a recovering alcoholic himself. His homily sounded a lot like Step 11...

Afterwards I went to lunch for a 'Big Mac' but at a local joint, not MacDonald's. I always make this mistake...Whenever I try to eat something vaguely American overseas, it is not the same. In this case, they don't use beef for the burger meat, but rather unseasoned ground pork, which made the sandwich resemble a large breakfast sausage pattie on an over sized bun. Never again. I'll stick to the local food, as I have always tried. The more it tries to be like home, the farther away it really is. Tonight it's cevapi and pomfrits with salad.

Tomorrow I head back to Mostar for a meeting at the Social Services office and then to the banks of the Neretva River and the Gypsy encampment. I have been assured that picture taking is not only allowed but encouraged. I am hoping for a lot of wonderful shots...Right now I am off to a picture printing place to have some shots of a young man's club foot printed off for the doctors to see...

Johnnyboy

Catholic Fundamentalism, free-thinkers, etc...

Here in Međugorje there are more statues of Jesus and the Virgin Mary than I have ever seen. One could buy a rosary for every hour of the day and still not count all the little beads. Crosses of every description, even vestments in shop windows. It is Catholicism run amok, gone mad, out the window!

There are some fearful people here who are quick to lash out against those who do not feel that way. There are those that believe that when a Muslim is killed with a Catholic bullet or sword, they are immediately saved and go to heaven, thereby justifying murder and war. The great majority believe in their hearts that there is a grand puppet master behind the curtain pulling all the strings and designing the firmament.

The other day I was having coffee with some folks and one of them said, ˝ Isn't it amazing to look at the stars and realize that we really know nothing about them at all?˝ I mean, really...No hard science, no research, no radar telescopes or radioactive isotopes that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt the distance, age, temperature, speed of decay, etc...? What about that funny yellow star that shines during the day around this part of the solar system? It is my conclusion that many of these people live in a twisted version of medievalism and are happy that way. The less thinking they have to do, the better they feel. These are the exact same people who locked up Galileo for thinking the way he did.

Of course, there are some very nice folks who believe more strongly in 'thou shall not judge' and their own version of 'Live and Let Live'. Nice folks, them, my landlords included. I am also working with some nice folks who do not judge, but are very much into education, the broad world, and living in modernism.

Tomorrow I head out for the day to Mostar to take some pictures, which I badly need to do. Being a singular and new town, there isn't much to take pictures of. Not much history in this place, at least not for me. A day away will be a needed break. I need to think the way I need to think and visit the real world for a spell.

I have registered for fall classes and will only be taking two courses, both of them at a distance. the first is US /Caribbean Foreign Policy in the 20th century and the second is Digital Art and Design, both advanced level courses. The second means I will have to purchase PhotoShop and learn that! Yay!

More to come...

Johnnyboy

Međugorje, Bosnia-Herzegovina...

Well, here I am in Međugorje! What an experience it is already. I have never been around so many people who feel so deeply about faith. It is inspiring, strange, a little daunting, but also a real example of the differences between tourists and pilgrims. These are pilgrims who have come here from all over the world to restrengthen their system of belief. Hundreds of years ago they would have come by foot, cart, and horse. Now it is by car, motor coach, and airplane. I feel somewhat out of place because I am not Catholic, but I think that will pass. As AA has taught me, one must keep an open mind and respect others. I feel nothing but respect for many of these folks, but at the same time, many are plagued by the troubles of society.

Fear is the most common. I was at a cafe the other night eavesdropping on a conversation between some people who were convinced that the Internet is the work of Satan, etc...Real medievalists at their worst. I imagine they would have been great fans of Torquemada and the Inquisition. They were so concerned with the lives of others that I think they missed out on checking their own spiritual conditions.

Anyway...The group that I am working for is fascinating. We are offering a variety of services to different families who are in different sates of need. Some require real medical and social work assistance, while others ask for only a leg up and an occasional helping hand. Some just need someone to speak to. Tomorrow I head off to Mostar, only about 25km from here to visit some of the Roma people that we have helped with housing along the Neretva River. the government wants to tear down their homes and build condos and there may be nothing we can do, but a caring smile and a shoulder to lean on is sometimes more help than one would think.

I have rented a small apartment here for a high price, but with it comes free Internet access, half-price on the laundry services, and great friendship with the Irish owner, Darren Mullan and his friend and assistant (he says 'lackey'), Shane. They are both from the North of Ireland (Armagh and Inniskillen, respectively) and run a great place.

To get an idea of Međugorje, imagine a tourist town (for whatever attraction), with all the trappings, shops, etc...that one would expect, including souvenirs, but transpose the RC Church and fill the shops with countless rosaries, statues of you-know-who in various postures (on and off the cross), and also of his mother. All for sale, of course. Very surreal. I mean really...How many rosaries does one person need? The only reason people come her is to go to church. So there are places to stay, places to eat (all pretty good), and, of course, a big building in the middle of town where they gather all the time. This is a cult in the truest sense of the word.

I'll be here for the next two months. I'd better not turn into a Catholic. My mother would kill me.

I have added some new pictures to my Picasa website...they are on the main page and are dated 'May, 2008'. I'll try to add more, but it can be difficult...big files, slow computers, etc...I'll try to shrink some of the pics down to a manageable size.

Johnnyboy