relief and anger....
My relief is due to a favorable prognosis from my doctor. He is 80% sure that the mole on my back is benign, and even if it is some sort of malignancy, it is so small that it would be sure to be cleared up with a little snip and a shave. All good.
Now the anger...I am angry at myself. My mother just came home from excersize, which is great. As she got out of the car, she opened the back hatch. I thought that she had gone to the grocery store and needed help with the bags, so I called from the porch with that question. "You bet!" was her reply. So I walked down the lawn and then noticed that she had a gallon of JohnnyWalker in her hand. I immediately knew that what she had bought was her case of scotch. I should have turned on my heels right then and said, "No, you can carry those bottles yourself." Instead, I walked down to the car, gathered the remaining 5 gallon jugs in their box and walked up to the house. I set them rather unceremoniously on the table and quickly changed the subject.
It's not like I'm going to drink, but I feel as if I have been duped or something. By doing what I did, I did not help her with anything. Instead I enabled her drinking and removed yet more responsibility from her. At least that's what it feels like.
I called my sponsor and told his voicemail, and now I'm telling anyone who reads this. I should make some other calls as well.
Thanks for listening...
Johnnyboy
posted by John D.C. Masters @ 9/28/2006
2 Comments:
As you've said, she could have brought that whiskey in by herself, and she would have. It was bought and paid for, and your refusal to help her wouldn't have made a difference.
The thing of it is- and this is the hard part- that from what you've said in the past you want her to stop drinking, but you also know that you can't stop her. That's incredibly frustrating and painful, I know. Is some of that anger you're feeling towards yourself related to that frustration, and your fear for her because you love her and hate what she's doing?
The next time you're faced with the same situation, feel free to say no. Try not to beat yourself up for the choice you made today. Just take whatever lesson it has taught you into future dealings, and ignore everything I just said if your sponsor tells you differently. *G*
Hallo, Johnnyboy!
You know, she is still your mother. She may be drunk as a lord but she stays a woman that gave a birth to you.
Last summer my husband and me visited his parents. They are still living in Greece.
And we have spent our honeymoon there, too. I remember we stayed in Cliff Side and we were charmed with all these sea views. And although we had to visit his parents I kept only good memories about this time.
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