Habits and routines...

This 'two days between entries' thing is becoming a habit. I really don't want to end up slacking on this blog, so I'll make a serious effort to be more focused and timely.

Yeah, right, like I need to take something else in my life so seriously that it becomes a chore? I think I'll lighten up, and if there isn't much to write about, I'll write about that. So there!

My first real class in college went very well. It's just my mentor and me so the experience was a perfect example of the Socratic method of learning. It's pretty simple: I do the reading, take notes, etc...and then the two of us talk about the subject for a couple of hours every 2 weeks. His initial opinion of me is that I have the right kind of introspective mind for the subject of philosophy and that I understand intuitively the fundamental nature of the subject. This is all good news, but now I have to really buckle down and finish my reading. Tomorrow I'll start in on Aristotle, which will complete Classical Western Philosophy, Vol. 1. This is a routine that I started: read for a couple of hours everyday. I think some folks call it 'studying'. I have to write a paper eventually comparing Plato and Aristotle on one of their philosophical theories. Plato was a Rationalist (understanding the world through thinking) and Aristotle was an Empiricist (using the senses to discover the truth). All of this suddenly reminds me of Mulder and Scully, thinker and scientist, both searching for the same answers. Hmmmm...

There was a big AA picnic yesterday in a nearby park, and I helped. By the time all was done and cleaned up, and I was home, I as whipped, but I stayed awake until 10:30PM anyway. If I had gone to bed earlier I would have woken up much too early to be any good for anyone. So I slept until 9AM this morning. I woke up feeling groggy and still tired and a little achey, and I was going to do nothing all day, but I didn't.

I decided to go down to The Old Rhinebeck Aerodrome instead for the day. Complete and utter fun. As some of you know, I build model airplanes. I'll try to get one on this entry before I post. The ORA flies actual aircraft from The First World War and the 1920s. It was truly a great day to watch a Fokker triplane, amongst others, fly around and pretend to dogfight. There is a lot more to it, however. The ORA puts on a whole WW1 show, with Good Guys (Sir Percy Goodfellow) and Bad Guys (The Black Baron of Rhinebeck and His Henchman) wherein The Baron steals Sir Percy's bride-to-be, Trudy Truelove, and Sir Percy has to go after him. It's the Keystone Kops, Perils of Pauline, and Dawn Patrol all mixed in to one.

Then I came home. Very weird when I arrived home. It was about 5PM or so, and I think that the person I am living with had had a few drinks already. The vibe was strange and she seemed to have not really remembered where I had been. This put me in a way-too-thoughtful mood, so I took a shower, read my email, and split for a meeting. Sometimes it's very difficult living with someone who is so entrenched in their world that broaching a sensitive subject is an obviously impossible task. Whether it's memory loss and the confusion that comes with that, or alcoholism and the results of that disease, I am at sea much of the time. Yet again I must learn to let that go, and recognize that I can't change people into what I think they should be. Watching this go on in front of me can be very painful.

In the end I am grateful to be here. At least I know that she isn't spending all of her time alone and that the times that I am at home, I can do things for her. This is one of the great gifts that sobriety has given me. I can be available, and compassionate, and caring, and patient. I can use a calm voice and listen, helping out when I am asked to do so. I am learning what it means to be a good son to an elderly parent. I am taking advantage of this time with her for I have been absent for so much. I love her dearly, and in this realm of love words fail me.


Johnnyboy