What goes up....

Since my post this afternoon and now I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions. Around 4PM something triggered my itty-bitty committee and I went into a real nosedive.

My world was shit. It was all over. I was a failure. I was shit. No future.

Serious pity pot, poor me, etc...Thankfully I did not pour me a drink, but rather had dinner with the mom and ran to a meeting. I was an hour early so I sat in the parking lot until the door opened.

It was incredible. We celebrated the sober life of Joe B. who died 2 weeks ago from cancer. He would have had 30 years this month, so the group decided to honor him this way. What gratitude!

Then there was another speaker who shared about her life growing up being constantly molested by her uncles and then raped numerous times as an adult. She spoke of her anger, her alcoholism, her drug addiction, homelessness, hopelessness, and finally, the hope she has found in the rooms of AA.

My petty foibles vanished as quickly as they had come.

I had lost my gratitude and was not living one day at a time. Oy!

Next time when I find myself riding on that emotional high that goes on for days I'll stop, take breather, and quiet my thoughts.

Oh, yeah...Around 7:30PM I was outside the meeting smoking a cigarette, freaking, and anticipating calling my sponsor afterwards when my cell rang. Yes, you guessed it...my sponsor.

Coincidence? Not a chance. He told me that when we were drinking we often celebrated those emotional highs by splurging on a choice bottle. He told me to go splurge on something healthy for myself. Which I will do. Something frivolous and fun.

Now I have to be frivolous and fun? Oy!


Johnnyboy