Snow, sleep, and cats in the underbrush...

I woke up this morning at 7AM knowing that actually it was 8AM and feeling dumb for the habit. Still it meant I was able to jump into my day early and work on some schoolwork. So I noodled around in the morning, typing this, typing that, and then I snacked around 11-ish, and then I wrote some emails, and then I went back into the kitchen. Boring day, really. Then I looked out the kitchen window and spied the cat that is living in the brush near the barn. It is fully grown, black with white gloves and boots, and I think chest. Very pretty shorthair, and very skittish. I thought that it should have some food, so I went outside and called 'kitty-kitty', at which point it sauntered into the protective underbrush. Still, I left it some food in a dish.

I am worried about the poor thing spending the winter outside. I want to save it, adopt it, give it a home. I think it was once a housecat, but has gone astray. I will try what I can. At least it can take refuge in the barn if the weather turns too ugly. Sweetie Pie knows all about it, too. She's not too keen on the idea, and tends to run away if it comes near.

This morning there were flurries of snow on nearby Winchell Mountain, and the smallest of flakes here, for about 2 minutes. Winter is coming. Oh, kitty-cat, stay warm and safe in the barn!



Johnnyboy

Some more thoughts on Spain and conventions...

So, here's a switch...two posts in one day. This morning's was a bit hazy and jet lagged, but this one is sharper, after some grocery shopping and a bit of a kip during lunch. I am speaking tonight in Limerock, so I thought it would be best to have a little lie down first so I don't fall asleep during my qualification.

My new AA friend Ian the Younger (as opposed to Ian the Elder, his sponsor), from Norwich offered some precise insight into the function of conventions, and AA conventions at that. He said that he views these events in much the same way that the medieval pilgrim viewed a spiritual pilgrimage. Some necessary factors must be in place for the convention/pilgrimage to take place. The Pilgrim must leave the surroundings of his comfortable and familiar life, travel to a distant, unfamiliar place and meet people that he does not know. The great thing, though, is that all of these other people have made a commitment to embark on a similar or identical journey, so the feelings of nervousness and trepidation on the part of the novice pilgrim turn out to be unfounded.

Everyone attends the convention for the same reason, whether to discuss washing machines or the importance of a Higher Power and how to help the next alcoholic. They leave with a sense of purpose and an acknowledgment of who has given aid, and in my case, a desire to repeat the experience as well.

As the same pilgrimage becomes a familiar route, the experience becomes deeper for the more seasoned pilgrim and the chances of lending a helping hand to the novice become more relevant.

I love it.


Johnnyboy

Honest, Open, and Willing

By the time Friday rolled around, I had quit my bitching and accepted the fact that this was a different convention. I was the one with the problem, not the convention. Hmmmm, funny, really. After that I had a super time and learned more about myself than I was expecting. Here are some insights:

1. I tend to evaluate my present by judging my past, i.e. by this I mean when I speak about how great life is today it is always in reference to how crappy life used to be when I was drinking. I need to work on that. This kind of thinking can set me in an emotional tailspin. I was illuminated by Pat D., from Derry, Ireland. A very nice man, and, like all of us, deeply flawed.

2. I do not let people into my life where it counts. I can open up the surface of things and spout the talk, but my heart is closed to all but a few. I can change this too, if I want it.

3. The focus of the convention was "Where we came from" and "Helping Others". By this I mean that AA started with Bill W. helping Dr. Bob, just two drunks helping each other. In the second subject it comes down excelling at one job, rather than trying to work several jobs somewhat well. Tradition 5 was a large subject as was the spectre of diluting the message by pandering to rehabs and drug addicts. We must be firm in this resolve, and help who we are able to help. This is not 'Addictions Anonymous'. "Shoemaker, stick to thy last!" The reason why NA doesn't work as well is because too many addicts are not being pushed to keep it strong and spread the message of recovery from drugs. It is also AAs fault that we allow them to come to the meetings. As Bill said, allow them the experience, strength, and hope, and politely show them the door, pointing them in a direction where they can find the help they need.

4. Do not believe the statistics about AA. These are numbers put together by outside groups with a reason all their own, and it's probably money.

So lots to think about. I'll write more later. I have jet lag. Here are two pictures, one of Tossa de Mar from a hill overlooking the town, and another of the Hotel Golden Bahia pool area. My room did not overlook the pool.


Johnnyboy

Convention resentments, and choices....

So, this is not the Greek Convention? The planners of this shindig have coordinated the whole thing around a kind of BB study, devoid of sharing, official AA meetings, much to the dismay of the attendees who have come here for sobriety, etc...This has caused a great deal of resentment, anger, and hurt and, ultimately has keft the resposdobility to have these kind of meetings up to us.

Yesterday I was feeling all of these emotions, but I finally went to a midnight meeting and I sorted out the truth: As a sober man I have a choice to either bow and scrape to the status quo, at the detrimant of my sobriety, or go out and find like minded people and start a meeting. It seems that I am not alone. Real meetings are springing up everywhere I turn, and the convention has become a joyous and powerful experience.

I have run into many friends from the Greek thing last year, among them Denise, Dottie, John W., and many more. They were the two women that were stuck in the hydrofoil last spring and shared the super taxi ride all the way to Ermioni. Tomorrow a few of us are travelling to see the Salvador Dali museum and then on Sunday I am going back to barcelona to see the Picasso Museum. I fly home on Monday, providing the airport baggage handler strike is over and I can check my backpack. I am secretly hoping that this is not the case so I can stay a couple of extra days...

Today was sunny and I lay by the pool and let the gentle breezes waft over my crazy self.

Johnnyboy

The rain in Spain...

...falls mainly on the plain, in the mountains, and currently on the coast, here in Tossa de Mar.

My flight was uneventful except for the tight connection in Madrid to Barcelona, where it was apparent that although time existed to board me, my luggage stayed on the ground and showed up an hour late. This threw my whole plan awry, and I heard HP laughing its head off at my arrogance. Still, I have made it to the convention, registered, had a shower, met up with friends, and am now getting ready for dinner. The first big meeting is tonight and then I´´m going to hit the sack and sleep the sleep of los muertos.

I have taken some interesting pics which I will post on both this site and airlinemeals.com. So that will be next week...

Have fun and I´ll check in tomorrow or the next day.


Johnnyboy

A bit of an update....

This morning I unplugged my large laptop, reset the monitor setup for the little Averatec I have, and proceeded to bring the old unit to the shop for an overhaul. Everything was fine, until I suddenly realized, during the drive home, that the paper I have been writing, and hoped to hand in tomorrow before I go away for a week, is in that PC, and not backed-up on my flashdrives...dammit! I'm not worried about losing it, but this means instead of handing the thing in on time, with me out of the country, I will have to wait until I get home, pick up the unit next Wednesday, hook it all back up, edit the paper, etc...and then the thing will be late.

Shit.

Oh well. I've emailed my prof and related the scenario, and hopefully my 'A' average will serve me well and help with an extension. I'm not worried, but the fact is that I had it all figured out, and it was going to be so smooth....Step Three acts like a street cop and tells me to "Move along, nothing to see here...".

Tomorrow I head off to Spain and another International AA Convention. AA has booked the entire seaside resort of Tossa de Mar on the Costa Brava for a week. All the major hotels are completely full with sober drunks from all across continental Europe and elsewhere. I won't be the only Yank in the crowd, but I doubt there will be many of us. I am very excited and will not pack until tomorrow morning. I have everything I will be taking, however. I'll be sure to update from a cybercafe...

I read this quote from e.e. cummings the other day and thought I'd share it with you all...

"To be Nobody-But-Yourself--in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else--means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

I like that a lot.


Adios!
Johnnyboy

...a new monitor!

I griped already about the old flip-top monitor that is attached to my rather large laptop (17" viewable!). The corruption of the screen has continued and an expert at school told me that I should think in terms of "weeks not months" before it goes kaput. So I took the plunge suggested by Aravis and others and purchased a new external monitor from CDW. It is a Planar 1700 and it comes with a 3-year comprehensive warranty (parts and labor). That means when it shits the bed in 2010 and the warranty has expired I can probably pick up what ever new fangled replacement for half the cost of a new one...does that make sense? This piece ran about $250 with 2nd day shipping FedEx, and I am very happy. With a little fiddling about I adjusted the screen rez and shut off the old damaged screen. I really like this much better, especially the added 2 inches of height. I think it's better for my eyes.

I found a PC repair joint nearby who will babysit my Toshiba while I'm in Spain. They'll give it a good cleaning, re-lube the CPU, and take the top of the clam off of the clamshell. I feel like I'm leaving the cat at the vet for a grooming and shots...When I come home, I'll pick it up and slide the new monitor behind the keyboard, because to be honest, typing like this is apt to give me a sore neck. The picture above gives you a better idea of the situation.

Oh, I almost forgot...whose blog is that anyway?;)


Johnnboy

Fall is here...

Yes, indeed. Fall is here and the colors are striking to say the least. Here is a picture (or two...I've upgraded Blogger and I hope to put more pics in the post) for your perusal and enjoyment. I grew all the produce except for the cabbage. The nice neighbor down the road gave that to me. The wall is behind the house and the poison ivy seemed particularly vibrant for such a nasty vine. The golden road is actually my driveway. Seeing it this way fills me with gratitude for where I live, both personally and physically. So many others do not have the chance to view this luxury of color.

I was able to finish one paper today before I became sidetracked with more frivolous activities. So tomorrow I can review the thing and email it to the teacher. I also hope to go over my notes for a paper on ritual, sacrifice, and creation myths before I have to scoot off to school tomorrow afternoon. At least something is getting accomplished around here! This net paper is only 5-6 pages, so I think I can bang it out before I fly off to the AA convention in Spain next Tuesday. I'll post before Tuesday, but I'll make sure to update during the convention. God, I love cybercafes!

Enjoy!

Johnnyboy

Great things tonight...

A few weeks ago an AA friend invited me to go grab some Chinese with him and a few others. Instead of sticking my neck out, taking a chance, and letting others know me better, I chose the well traveled path and went to the coffeeshop and had the same old experience: safe, unchanging, and ultimately boring. I told him the next time to make sure I went for Chinese, and to drag me there if I didn't.

After almost 4 years of sobriety I'd think that I have this part of recovery licked, but I guess that is yet another mirage.

Tonight I heard what I needed to hear, and not from the honest newcomer who shared. After sharing in my typically superficial way (I identified...so grateful...etc...), these two folks said things like, "I don't want people to get to know me" and "I just want to isolate and be alone, because it is still what I know best." The quotes may not be exact, but the jist is there for all to read. Now that I identified with. The truth is I don't want anyone in. I want to do this by myself, with no one's help, because, dammit, I think I can do it, and we all know where my best 'thinking' led me...

For the past two days I've been avoiding real responsibilities. I haven't worked on schoolwork like I have told people (liar!); I haven't been constructive (slothful beast!); I have been flirting with someone else's girlfriend (lustful perv!); I have eaten too much meat and dairy, late at night, I might add (glutton!); and I have been lecturing my new sponsee (arrogant bastard!). Luckily I made a 10th Step amends to the sponsee, I can be more vigilant with my eating habits, and tomorrow is another day to hit the books and get some work done. The woman I can cease to flirt with. I can make these moves in the right direction, and perhaps act as if I have almost 4 years of sobriety instead of tearing my rotator cuff as I pat myself on my back for a job well done.

I wouldn't be sober without the people who love me until I can love myself. For that I am very grateful.


Johnnyboy