Tuesday arrives, with haiku in tow...

It's been a chill and blustery few days here in Somewheresville. The temperature has rarely risen above 20* F and the wind has been blowing which drops us down into the low single digits at best. But winter is almost over, according to the Rodentia Pennsylvania ( Hah! Right!), and by the end of March we should be sitting pretty. What we need is snow and rain. It is much too dry and the water table is already low. This does not bode well for the farmers. I have several tasks for March, however, all of which I am looking forward to completing.

I am going to plant my tomatoes inside this year and then transplant them in June when I return from Greece. This way I can grow what I want and not be stuck with the varietals that no one else bought, like last year. That's not to say that my tomatoes weren't wonderful and that I harvested until October, but still, I want to try this and see how I fair. I'm also going to grow a thing called a 'Lemon Cucumber'. It's round, like an apple, yellowish, like a lemon, but a cuke nonetheless. I'll start those indoors as well. The basil and herbs I'll plant in June when I come home. No hurry for those things. I am planting one squash product, no zucchini this year. The one I'm planting is more of a spaghetti squash type, that should be harvestable until the beginning of November, if I'm lucky.

This morning I'm off to a clock repairman who works on antique clocks. We have an old carriage clock that my mother bought in 1964, at auction, in Dublin, for the equivalent of $10.00. I know it's worth more than that, but it stopped running a while back an no one seems to be able to fix it. I'm hoping this guy can do it. Then I scoot up to have my head worked on with a little NeuroCybernetics. I've written about this before so I won't go into it. Google it and find out more, if you want.

Well, here are the haiku, hot off the press. As promised there are six, to make up for last week. Actually three I have grouped together as one piece, the rest are free-standing...

#13.
A bitter winter,
dry, gray dust on the windows,
blown under the door.

#14.
Windy, gusting, chill.
But piercing sunlight reaches
to the forest floor.

#15.
Old leaves crunching
underfoot like cereal
chewed up in my mouth.

#16-18.
Sometimes my fear boils
and runs out the metal spout
spilling on the stove.

It boils and troubles,
like fear does, and wants to burn
but it's only water.

Fear evaporates
in hisses, cursing with steam,
in a cup of tea.



Johnnyboy

No ideas? I have one...

I guess you folks are having as hard a time helping me out as I am myself. I finally settled on a 'frivolous' activity, though, so don't worry.

I'm going to go into The Big City after I get home from Vermont next weekend for a little trip, see some museums, eat out, catch the late train home. I want to see MOMA, check out the Metropolitan again, and take in a tour of the Darwin exhibit at the Natural History Museum. I'll check the schedule for that one, because it's a guided tour. Plus there is a lot of Mesoamerican stuff in that place and I'd like to see that, knowing a little more about it than I did before. I'll try to hit a noon meeting if I can, but if not, no biggie. This is a frivolous day, right?

So that's it for now. I know I forgot the haiku this week. I'll make up for it on Tuesday (promise!) with a double batch for all you hungry readers...



Johnnyboy

Frivolous activities or actions...Help!

I need some suggestions on "fun and frivolous" activities or actions that I can do to celebrate my good fortune and gratitude in sobriety. So, please, folks, hep me out here!


Johnnyboy

What goes up....

Since my post this afternoon and now I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions. Around 4PM something triggered my itty-bitty committee and I went into a real nosedive.

My world was shit. It was all over. I was a failure. I was shit. No future.

Serious pity pot, poor me, etc...Thankfully I did not pour me a drink, but rather had dinner with the mom and ran to a meeting. I was an hour early so I sat in the parking lot until the door opened.

It was incredible. We celebrated the sober life of Joe B. who died 2 weeks ago from cancer. He would have had 30 years this month, so the group decided to honor him this way. What gratitude!

Then there was another speaker who shared about her life growing up being constantly molested by her uncles and then raped numerous times as an adult. She spoke of her anger, her alcoholism, her drug addiction, homelessness, hopelessness, and finally, the hope she has found in the rooms of AA.

My petty foibles vanished as quickly as they had come.

I had lost my gratitude and was not living one day at a time. Oy!

Next time when I find myself riding on that emotional high that goes on for days I'll stop, take breather, and quiet my thoughts.

Oh, yeah...Around 7:30PM I was outside the meeting smoking a cigarette, freaking, and anticipating calling my sponsor afterwards when my cell rang. Yes, you guessed it...my sponsor.

Coincidence? Not a chance. He told me that when we were drinking we often celebrated those emotional highs by splurging on a choice bottle. He told me to go splurge on something healthy for myself. Which I will do. Something frivolous and fun.

Now I have to be frivolous and fun? Oy!


Johnnyboy

Some upcoming plans...

I've taken the day off, kind of. What this means is that I haven't worked on school assignments or gone to the gym. I have, however, been productive.

I had a good session with my therapist this morning and went shopping for food for dinner with mom (salmon, acorn squash, and asparagus). I'll make that later. I was planning on coming home and jumping right back into my essay, but there have been a couple of items I had been lax in attending. The most important is my upcoming trip to Greece in May. I leave on May 2nd and come home on the 30th, with an AA convention in the Pelopponese on the 18th to the 21st. I went to this convention last year and it was a blast! The official title is The South East European International English Speaking AA Convention and this year will be #12 for them. Last year about 500 people showed up, from all over Europe, Asia, North America, and Oceana. What a wild group! So, I realized that the rest of the time in Greece will be spent bopping about, mostly by boat. I'm not one for set-in-stone itineraries, but I'd like to have an idea of where I'll be for the most part, especially with a scheduled assignation in the middle.

I'll break out my 'Rough Guide' to Greece and start studying. One of my preparations, though, has been to transfer all my digital pictures from the trip last year to CD, which I did this afternoon. I was also in Croatia, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Slovenia, and Italy (briefly) last year as well, so most of the pics were of that part of the trip. This time I'l get some more of the convention and Greece as a whole.

In the world of guidebooks, I have read most of them. A good friend used to work for Frommers, and they are good, but cater to a more ritzy clientele, as does Fodors, Michelin, and some others. The Lonely Planet people are great for people like me who bounce around and prefer grade 'C' hotels or small homestay situations. Big hotels are expensive, but I'll splurge once in a while, if at least to take advantage of the laundry service, big bathrooms, and cable TV. My favorite guides are the 'Rough Guide' series. They are comprehensive, up-to-date, accurate, and give great historical background on the country in question. Historical background is essential if you want to avoid political or cultural faux pas.

So I'll pack that book, my Big Book, Daily Reflections, and a small spiral notebook, along with a couple of pens, and my camera. My passports always stay on my person, as does the money and tickets.

I'm going to travel as light as possible this time. I'm getting better at packing the right amount of clothing--not too much or too little. I can always buy t-shirts or such while in-country.

I'll do a 'test pack" today as well, and see how full my rucksack is. One note: I always pack a couple of sarongs. they are incredibly versatile, useful as tableclothes, bedlinens, or virtually anything else in a pinch.

To quote Douglas Adams: "Always know where your towel is."



Johnnyboy

Another good day sober...

I was able to start my 3rd paper this morning. The subject is cultural change as represented in Kawabata's "Thousand Cranes" and Walker's "The Color Purple". I think I have a good groove going and was able to write 4 pages when I realized I was running out of gas. So I stopped writing and went to the gym. That's what happens. There is no point to keep on typing away at something if nothing is coming out. Tomorrow I'll do the same thing and then I'll have 8 pages, and so on. By Sunday I'll have 16 pages and I'll be finished. I've been editing along the way, so it shouldn't take much to tighten it up and make it shiny enough to hand in on Monday. 3 weeks, 3 papers.

Then I start the process all over again for the months of March and April: 3 classes, 3 papers.

Before I start writing I try to practice some Step 3 and turn the whole kit and kaboodle over to HP to write, and then I begin. 2 1/2 hours later I'm spent. It seems to be working so far.

After that I came home and surfed around for a spell and then picked up my sponsee and went to a great meeting at my homegroup. Aravis celebrated 9, Rob 10, and Larry S. 33. Fantastic energy and so many people! I mean, probably close to 75 sober drunks and some non-alcoholic family members were there. pretty amazing and quite a high. It was one of those moments when I looked around and thought "All these people are staying sober, one day at a time, just like me. It's working."

After that I went home and watched part of "Some Like It Hot" the great Billy Wilder film with Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon. I became bored, though and moved over to my hobby table and started work on another model. This will be a Sopwith Camel, in a post-WW1 scheme being flopwn by the Poles during the Polish-Russian War of 1919-1921. There is nothing more rel;axing than painting a piece of plastic the 1/4 the size of a toothpick to resemble varnished maple. Very picky hobby, this one. Everything must be historically accurate or else it just doesn't work.

I watched "Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Were-Rabbit" last night and laughed my ass off. What good medicine that was! So much that I watch just isn't funny. Wry, clever, amusing, maybe, but not funny. So far the biggest laughs I've had were from that film and "Chicken Run". Maybe humans don't make me laugh anymore. They can be sooooo serious!


And I am becoming sooooo serious that I think it's time for bed.

Goodnight!



Johnnyboy

A result of the "next right step"

This past weekend opened my eyes to the realities that exist without a program of recovery. By 'recovery' I do not necessarily mean 'recovery from alcohol, drugs, etc...' but rather the recovery of a life spent holding grudges, resentments, jealousies, and angers. Much of my life was spent living that way, if you could call it living. I was breathing, sure; interacting in some fashion with other beings, true; but not really living.

I have been through a lot in the past 3 or 4 years: my first AA experience, jail, release, learning to live one-day-at-a-time, having friendly relations with other people, and so much more. These are honest ties that I am forging, and I hope that they last a long time. That's up to me, for the most part. But through it all I have come to a very stunning conclusion:

I love myself.

I don't mean this in an egocentric, narcissistic way, but in a deep and heartfelt self-esteem fashion that continues to grow. By looking at what I am doing now I can only come to this conclusion.

1. I am staying sober, and asking for help if I need help, and even when I know I can do it myself.
2. I am going to the gym to improve my physical health and appearence.
3. I am back in school and filling my head with knowledge, recording new tapes of a sober history and not replaying the old, damaging scenes.
4. I am helping out others when I can without any thought of recompense.
5. I am learning to not judge others.
6. I am gaining a self-confidence that combines ability with humility. This allows me to judge my own actions fairly and question my motives.

When I lived in fear, shame, anger, resentment, and... fear, I was unable to follow through with any of these tasks. These were dreams I would never realize, fantasies while sitting on the couch with the lights out and the phone turned off, becoming more and more numb to the world.

I am beautiful, smart, able, willing, honest, and open. This is true, and that's OK.


"Don't drink and go to meetings", they said, "and it will get better."

"Work the Steps with your sponsor", they told me, "and you will know serenity."

They told me, "Keep coming", and I did.

"Give time, time." And I have.

These are the "next right steps" that I have held onto, yes, like the drowning man siezes the life preserver. I have done all of these things, and far from perfectly, and I will never be finished.

I am flabbergasted at the results. It makes me want to cry, which is something I haven't been able to do for a long, long, time. So, if you see me at a meeting and I share and I get all choked up over some little thing, it's alright. I'm really just tickled pink to be there.


Johnnyboy

Another paper done!

Well, I worked on my second paper this morning and finished around 3:30PM. A solid ten pages on the epistemological differences between Descartes and Locke (Rationalist v. Empiricist), proofread, paginated, all clean and shiny, and promptly emailed to my professor at college. He's actually in Egypt at the moment, so he'll have it when he returns on Friday. I hope the hell he likes it. I like it.


I have just downloaded Firefox as my browser, and I must say that perhaps it's the novelty, but the thing runs faster than IE. The setup is different as well, so I'll spend some time getting used to it.

My sister believes that we (her other two siblings) hate her. This is not true. We love her dearly and wish that she'd understand that. I have said some nasty things to her over the years, but when I made my amends I was pretty sure that I communicated to her that my lashing out was a result of my own resentments, angers, fears, and jealousies. I always seem to hurt the ones that I love, but I'm trying not to do that anymore. Sobriety is the key to that equation. So, anyway, the bridge was built this weekend and made of stern stuff, I think. She'll cross it when she's ready, and that's alright. Until then I'll be patient.


Tomorrow I start in on some more homework, more philosophy reading, and some Mesoamerican reading. Geez, I hope prof liked my Meso paper....


Johnnyboy

Self-validation...

Through the labor that I am performing today in recovery I am learning how to feel right about myself. I am discovering that I do not need to look to others to validate my feelings or my actions. When I am upset or serene it is because of something that I am doing, not what others do around me. When I succeed or fail it is because of the work that I have done, not the judgments of those in my presence. When I do not know the answer or feel unsure about my path I ask for help, either from my God or a person wiser than myself. I am beginning to love myself and therefore able to love everyone else. I understand that many people do not yet have these gifts . For them I reserve my compassion, love, and patience. I pray that those without may find a similar peace.


These are the terms with which I live.
This is life on life's terms.



Johnnyboy

A Great success...

Note:
Once again, I warn any family members who read this that because this blog is anonymous and, in essence, an on-line diary, that reading it amounts to rifling thorugh my personal possessions and an invasion of privacy. If you read this and feel threatened by my personal views, that is your fault and you should be old enough to complain to me and not run to mama like a little child.



Well, the weekend is winding down with a sense of great success and accomplishment. For those not in the know my 2 sisters came to visit this weekend, where we planned to divide my mother's possessions before she died. This enables us to separate her items from the rest of her estate so when that day comes, none of it will be taxed. It will all belong to someone.

Yesterday we set to work, room by room, and chose furniture, art, favorite knick-knacks, etc...
I must say that it all went smooth as silk. We essentially worked through the house beginning in the morning and finished in time for my sober sister and me to head off to a Step meeting nearby. We then came home and had a wonderful meal.

I am truly grateful to have both of my sisters here. One of them, as some of you may know, I haven't seen in over 8 years and, to be honest, our relationship has never been close. Even when I was a child she wasn't as much a part of my life as my other sister or any other member of my family. This type of dynamic is not unique to my family, obviously. It was sad at dinner, though, when I realized that I didn't really know my sister that well and in many ways she is a stranger to me. To make matters worse she has no real interest in what I am doing (or at least did not express this to me) nor does she seem particularly happy that I am doing well in school, sober, etc...This is all very sad, because this is one of the reasons that I was hoping this weekend worked out well: familial relations. I wasn't expecting miracles, just some hope. Not much in that department. Some of her reactions to my plans, ideas and so forth actually seemed resentful, jealous, and angry.

So, in any case, the most important aspect is that I didn't get caught up in her world and stuck to my own, with flexible, transparent, boundaries that kept me secure and reasonably serene. This is yet another item on my list that I must let go. She is not loving towards me, nor is she particularly nice to me, and why should she be? It's not like I have to get along with everyone in the world, even if they are related by blood. So be it.


So, the family leaves today and I can get back to my Descartes/Locke paper due this week. I have only to write the section on Locke and then a conclusion, and I'm done. What a relief that will be!



Johnnyboy

Gratitude and serenity...

Scott W. reminded me that I need to say the serenity prayer today and apply it to the uncertain weekend ahead. I have, and am doing, that. His blog also reminded me that I need to write a gratitude list, which I have not done in quite some time.

Here goes...


I am grateful today because:

I am sober;
I am physically healthy;
I have a roof over my head;
I have food to eat;
My home is warm;
I have been able to start cleaning up the wreckage of my past;
I am able to go to school and learn new things;
My family loves me;
I have 2 wonderful, crazy, sisters;
This weekend may bridge new rivers in my family's dysfunction;
I can apologize;
I can stay out of my own way;
I can make plans and follow through with them;
I am able;
I am capable;
Someone called me adorable the other night (not a relative!);
I am able to admit when I am wrong;
Sometimes I act like an adult;
Sometimes I act like a child, but not childish;
I am willing to make changes in my life that require humility and investigation;
I show up for life and do what I need to do for myself;
I can show compassion for those in my family that may be afraid or nervous;
I am human, and make mistakes;
progress, not perfection;
I see when I become a pushy person and stop it, or make amends;
I have a sponsee;
I am changing today...

I could go on all day, and perhaps I should be grateful for that as well. There is one more item for which I am grateful, and that is that I was born. Today. 41 years ago.

I am grateful that today is my birthday.


Happy Birthday all you other February 17ers!



Johnnyboy

The Big Weekend is Here!

NOTE: If you are a family member and you are reading this, you are snooping and not minding your own business. You will learn nothing of importance by reading this, or any of my, posts.






Well, the folks start to arrive tomorrow with all of their baggage. I'm pretty nervous, but confident in my own sobriety, sanity, and serenity to not become too involved in the craziness of others. There will be talks, meals, the usual family stuff that we've never done, and then the dividing of my mother's estate pre-morte. This is being carried out for tax reasons but also for sensible reasons. When that time comes, emotions will be so high as to prohibit rational discussion of who-gets-what.


To be honest, I don't want to reaquaint myself with a sibling I haven't seen in over 8 years. I have spoken with her maybe 20 times in that span. But, the unhealthy thing would be to continue that "relationship" based on distance. The healthy, scary, and maybe painful alternative is to change.

Change scares me. Change goes against the flow, the status quo, the way-it-has-always-been...

Progress through pain, right? Look at me, I'm shaking!

As an alcoholic, I tend to blow shit out-of-proportion. This is probably what I'm doing now. The weekend will be fine. No worries. Smiles, hugs, and cotton-fucking-candy...




Johnnyboy

Feeling centered before the big weekend...

Warning: If you are a family member reading this blog, stop it. It is not anonymous to you and is the same kind of invasion as rooting through my personal belongings. Get your own blog!


I'm feeling pretty good about the weekend ahead. I'll be myself and let others do what they need to do.

Everyone will have their own space to run to if they need it, including the cat!

I think she's becoming more feral as she gets older.

I have handed in one paper and am working on another even as I write this entry.

One paper a a time, is my motto.

Valentine's Day came and went, so here are the special haiku just for the occasion, if a day late...


#10.
eyes beckon, "come here"
deep gasps, stomach shuddering,
cradled in your hand.

#11.
stretching, arching, spine
you cry like seagulls flying
through the salty mist.

#12.
your blue eyes dilate
and your mouth opens in surprise
at the sudden gift.



Johnnyboy

Paper completed, meatballs cooked, snowsnowsnow...

So I stayed up late last night and finished my paper. Actually that's not completely true. I went to bed around midnight and lay there thinking about how to finish the paper when I thought, "What the hell, I might as well do it now." So I did. I ended up going to bed at 3:45am, and slept late, but that's OK. I woke up, had some coffee, read the Sunday Times, and went back to work, this time tweaking, tightening, polishing, writing the bibliography, and the cover page, and voila, the paper, she is done!

So then I went downstairs and made meatballs for dinner tonight with mom. We never have spaghetti and meatballs, so I thought it would be fun and nice to do that. I like making sure that she has a real 'sit-down' meal at least a couple of times during the week. Most of the time she likes to make her own dinner. It's usually a small steak or porkchop with salad while she watches 'Law&Order' or one of those shows. So the sit-down-at-the-table occasion is good for both of us.

The Nor'Easter the weathermen have been predicting finally arrived. It was supposed to start at 9PM last night but didn't get going until around 2AM. It's dumped a fair amount of snow, but it is very cold and the snow is very fine and powdery. I hear that DC and Virginia have around 18" already, and they aren't really used to that kind of weather, so drive safely SamIAm!

I feel pretty relaxed about things, which is great. I think I'll surf around for a while...



Johnnyboy

Essays, Death, and "Footloose", the real thing...

Well it's been an incredibly stressful 3 days, and it's all my fault. The week started with me in school, but during the day getting cold, heating up, getting overheated, cold again, etc...The result is a second head cold in as many weeks. On top of that my whole system was out of balance concerning homework, AA, homelife, commitments, everything. Put it this way, I couldn't refill the birdfeeder...I was crazy crazy crazy. So I became ill, my body forced itself to stop, and I slept a lot. I have decided to schedule the remainder of my essay writing thusly:

1.Monday, Feb 13th, Meso-American paper due.

2.Wednesday Feb 22, Descartes/Locke paper due.

3.Monday, February 27, Cultural Diversity paper due.

I have almost finished my first essay. I couldn't sleep last night so I hit the keyboard and now have 8 full pages written. All I need is a conclusion, some cleaning up, tightening, etc...All that I will do tomorrow, not today.

When I hand in that paper, I will begin work on the next, etc...That way my poor addled head doesn't fall out of my skull and land, SPLAT, on my desk.

I feel better all ready.


Sad news, though. An AA friend has died. Joe B. was a power of example and long-term sobriety. I new him only a little, having only met him when I returned to the area last year, but he was a stalwart fellow. He will be missed. His death came as a blessing in his last moments, though. He had been suffering from several types of cancer, all terminal, for quite a while. His pain is gone and he died a sober, happy, and serene man. Salut! Death will come for all of us somewhere along the line. In Joes case I picture death sitting in the hospital waiting room, his grungy Chuck Taylors on the coffee table, smoking a Lucky Strike, and reading The New York Times. I don't know why the Times, but if he were reading the Times, this is what he'd see on today's front page:

"Republican Speaks Up, leading Others to Challenge Wiretaps"

and

"Ex-FEMA Leader Faults Response By White House"

and

"U.S. Trade Deficit Sets Record, With China and Oil the Causes"

and

"Data on Iraq Was Distorted, Ex-CIA Official Says"

and, most important,

"In Small Town, 'Grease' Ignites A Culture War"---Now that's news. The rest is what we all knew all along anyway isn't it? That the current administration is a pack of greedy hyenas with ulterior motives and a horrible business ethic is nothing new. That Bush and his cronies lied to the public about almost everything you could think of, including Bush's relationship with Jack Abramoff.

If anyone doesn't know, please Google "Reichstag fire" and see what you get. When Hitler wanted to turn the German people against the unnamed foe (Unions, socialists, communists, Jews, homosexuals, foreigners, intellectuals, etc...) he had the Brown Shirts torch the German Parliament and then placed the blame on the above parenthetical groups. This is true. No lie. Why do people think it couldn't happen here?

So, back to "Footloose"...

It seems that the play "Grease" was going to be performed at the Fulton, Missouri, high school. The "drama teacher" decided to soften the language, change the pot smoking to cigarettes, substituted slang for profanity and rated the play PG-13, so parents wouldn't bring little kids to the show. Shortly after the performance. Members of the Callaway Christian Church wrote letters, the usual crap. Nothing new in that department. The boat rocked enough, though, for the school super to cancel the production of Arthur Miller's "The Crucible". For those who do not know this is a play about the Salem Witch Trials and was written during the 1950's as a response to the McCarthy/HUAC hearings. The drama teacher, a Ms. DeVore believes it was cancelled because it portrays "a time in history that makes Christians look bad." She continued, "In a Bible Belt community it makes people nervous."

Yep. You're fuckin' right chickee-babe. Nothing more scary than having to look at yourself and make restitution for harms done. Nothing more scary than seeing how defective your so-called morality really is. Nothing more scary and humiliating than to admit that you see yourself in those plays. Maybe you were Rizzo in "Grease" and had a baby too early; maybe you wanted to sneak out and be a teenager, but something held you back, and now you regret it; maybe you are afraid that others will judge you, so you beat them to the punch and condemn them first; maybe...

So, tonight's homework is to look up some stuff on-line:

1. Reichstag fire
2. Arthur Miller, 'The Crucible'
3. Sen. Joseph McCarthy, HUAC
4. Salem witch trials


I was supposed to talk about Ken and Barbie today, but I forgot. Plus, it's been in all the news. Apparently after a ten-year hiatus of soul-searching, yoga, Buddhism, and hanging out with Johnny Depp's stylist, Ken is back, to take over from Blaine, the blonde surfer guy. I think it's all a ruse. The dish years ago was that Ken was gay. Now he's back and straight and butch as ever. In my opinion Blaine is currently questioning things, and Ken is sensitive to this emotion. Plus, wouldn't you get tired of a woman who constantly stands on her tippy-toes and whose legs don't bend, nevermind the lobotomized look on her face...

Move over Ang lee, it's time for "BROKEBACK BARBIE"...

Go to npr.org and click on the movie trailer spoof link...


Johnnyboy

Hate football, love you, here's the haiku...

Yes, it's true. I was one of 166 million Americans who did not wan to watch the big game. Really, who cares? With all the deplorable violence going on every day in the world does it make any sense to justify it by calling it a sport? How about tennis, or sailing, or something really skill oriented, like sculpture. Now that's an idea...Competitive Sculpting.

"In the right corner, wearing faded jeans, a dirty T-shirt, and a black beret, Pablo Picasso!
And across the ring, in the left corner,...etc..."

Now wouldn't that be fun?

The Olympics are on, and that's pretty cool, because as a Europhile I'm impressed with all the cool events during the Winter Olympiad. All the skiing is especially fun. I find that the biathilon, biatholon, biathelon, whatever...is the most useful event. Think of it, when civilization collapses during the next ice-age, who are you gonna call? Not the track and field folks...No, I'll be on the phone to the Scandinavian countries hoping to become some kind of towel boy or something. Think of it, if you are in the middle of a perpetual snowstorm, how do you live? You hunt, on skis, with a gun, and then bring home the bacon on a bobsled pulled by some speed skaters. Maybe the Finns will hire me as the team poet...

Speaking of which, here are yesterdays haiku, fresh today...

#7.
pale sunshine inches
through winters pallid blue sky
the small cat lounges

#8
squirrels dash jumping
through brown leaves noisily hopping
from the bird feeder.

#9
the cracked spillway leaks
more water than the sky gives
the pond is drying


PS--If you are a family member reading this you are a snoop and do not deserve to read anything to your advantage.





Johnnyboy

Essay blues...

I'm in the middle of a paper for my Lit class. It is an essay on "The Color Purple" and "Thousand Cranes", by Yasunari Kawabata. I've started the damn thing three times and have scrapped two versions completely. It was really a matter of focus. I was too broad in one instance, too scattered in another. This third try seems to be the keeper. I have 4 pages written and I expect to have about 15 when I'm done. I'm using 2 characters from the stories. The first is a genderless, resentful, witch named Kurimoto Chikako, who uses all of her devious, negative, whiles to destroy those she feels have wronged her. The second is from "The Color Purple". Shug is the bawdy, bisexual, nightclub singer who uses all of her charms to free those around her from their bonds. Both women are very powerful yet use their powers in very different ways.

I'm tired and this essay is driving me nutz. I can't wait 'til I'm done with it. I meet my teacher on Monday morning so I hope to have at least a first draft to show him.

I think tomorrow I'll start on my philosophy paper and try to get at least 2 pages of that in the mix. I have loads of reading for my Meso-American class, so that will come on Sunday.


blahblahblahblah


Johnnyboy

Sweetie Pie pictures...

As promised, here are the pictures of Sweetie Pie. She is a darling and extremely feline cat, with a sweet nature except for her inability to play with the soft bits on her paws. I think that the few months she spent in the woods before she was rescued left her with some PTSD of her own. When she wants to play she rolls on her back and exposes her belly, but it's a trap. If I go to stroke/tickle her she grabs my hand with both front paws, claws out, and then bites my hand. If I try to pull away she digs in with her claws and tries to disembowel my forearm with her hind legs. I know that these are "fight" mechanisms that will probably save her, but she freaks out like this a lot. She is very territorial and if you walk past her too closely when she is napping (right!) she will lunge out and attack whichever body part is closest. Needless to say we wear a lot of long-sleeved shirts and socks in this house.

She will be a year old in March, we think.


Johnnyboy

PS-I don't know why Blogger put up duplicate picture of SP on the post, but I can't delete them fr some reason. So I just made them reeeeaaallllyyyy small...

A quick one...

Went to a great meeting tonight and heard some good, funny, dry (as in subtle), AA humor. The guy that spoke has always seemed to be one of the smart, quiet types with one-liners that most folks don't get. I loved it, though.

I also ran into an AA friend who I swear is now thin! Wayne is a big guy anyway, with a big heart and soul, but his weight, according to him was out of control. So he joined a gym (like me) and stuck to his regimen (unlike me) and has lost over 50 pounds! He made the "Best Success" list for the fitness center. Me? I went for a spell, felt great and then Thanksgiving came and the excuses followed right after. I weighed myself the other day and I haven't gained any weight. I still weigh 210, which is what I weighed when I was at the gym. But I haven't lost any weight either.

So I am inspired. Wayne has shed the weight, and Aravis is starting back, so I will too. I think I'll start slower. I need to drop the bulk, then I'll build the muscle. If I go everyday and briskly walk for 30 minutes, that will do for a while. I have three months before I go to Greece and I want to look decent on the beach, not that anyone at the AA convention will care one way or the other. I care, though, and I remember how good I felt after the exercise.

Mind, Body, and Spirit. School, Gym, and AA. Simple program for complicated folks, like me.

I'm going to try to put up some pics of Sweetie Pie in the next few days. Yes, she is sweet, but don't get your hands too close, or else...Vicious little Sweetie Pie...



Johnnyboy

Haiku and getting "it" done...

Another grey and cold day here in Somewheresville, but I am getting it done. The "it" is my homework. I've set the day aside to make up for lost time. I have written 4 1/2 pages of one essay on gender, sex, and power in "The Color Purple" and "Thousand Cranes" and after I post this entry I'll dig in to some of the reading I need to do for other work. If I can be diligent about this and work until 4:30, I'll be happy. I'd like to start my philosophy paper as well. Maybe I'll try a page or two of that before the day is done.


Sexsexsexsexsex...

That got your attention! There's a lot of it about; in the media, on-line, rentable, buyable, in my head, in your head, etc...Let's face it, most of us love it, either alone or with someone else. From an early age I was incredibly sexual. I liked to ride bikes, sure, but Playing Doctor was much more fun. Plus the added incentive that it might be "naughty" was especially alluring. I guess this is attractive to the alcoholic side of me that always felt as if it needed to live on the edge. There has to be something about living that pushes the envelope, or at least that's what I thought. I don't want to push the envelope anymore, or anyone's buttons, for that matter. Just give me the ability to put words on paper that convey the clear meaning of the jumbled up thoughts running around my head. That most of those thoughts have no pants, and are waving their hands gleefully as they run around, is another story.


Well, enough of that. Here are the haiku...



#4.
Rhododendrons
sleeping through this winter night
will awaken in the spring.

#5.
Ubiquitous crows
call from the tops of the trees
black sounds on grey days.

#6.
Wasting no daylight
farmers shift the winter hay
from fields and pastures.


Johnnyboy